money issue
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money issue
| Wed, 08-01-2007 - 12:34am |
I don't know where to turn because my husband doesn't want me to ever talk about marriage issues with someone we both know and he knows all my friends. My husband is very concerned with money (obsessed, maybe?) He makes 6 figures. I work part time and make about 1/10th of what he makes. He has always been upset about the amount of money I spend, even though we have 4 children and the bulk of what I spend is on them - clothes, shoes, school supplies, toiletries, etc., always at discount stores or on clearance. I have asked repeatedly about him setting a budget, and the two visits we had with a counselor, he also said he should give me a budget, but he won't. Then he took my credit card away, which he paid, and said that I should pay for things with my paycheck. He said I wouldn't have to pay for gas, copays, groceries, meds, birthday gifts...just the "extras". Well, I have had to pay for all of it and now I am in serious debt. I know I just have to tell him and all that money he has saved will have to pay for what he hasn't paid for in these 7 months, but I know he will freak out. Also, our marriage has been in serious trouble anyway because while he has plenty to say to his friends, he rarely talks to me - and never a genuine converstation - just information sharing. I've had to go on meds for anxiety (a few yrs ago) and also have developed a stress-related heart problem requiring meds. Any advice on how to proceed? Thank you to anyone reading all this - I know it's long!

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Welcome to the board lindaro07,
You need to talk to your husband and let him know that because he is making you pay for all these things he has caused you to go into debt. You really need to get him to talk to you about the money issue and work out a budget. I would also recommend going back to counseling or if he wouldn't do that than you go by yourself. It seems besides the money issue that the two of you also have communication problems. Since you have a stress related heart problem, you also need to find a way to relieve your stress before your problem gets worse. Try going for walks or working out, reading a book, or getting a massage.
glitter-graphics.com
It sounds to me as though you are in an abusive relationship. This has little to do with money, per se, but with punishment and control. He is unwilling to give to you appopriately and meet his responsibilities. It is unfair to have you pay from you pay check while he saves. It's actually cruel. The money both of you make belongs to the entire family. Also the fact that he is so withdrawn with you, shows that he has many feelings that he is not dealing with...instead he wants to withold from you
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Welcome to the board lindaro07,
I think you should stop buying everything that puts you into debt and start telling him what you need to purchase.
glitter-graphics.com
Do you plan to talk to him tonight about things? Did he give you the money for the things you had paid for?
What do you "want" to happen between the two of you?
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