money issue
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money issue
| Wed, 08-01-2007 - 12:34am |
I don't know where to turn because my husband doesn't want me to ever talk about marriage issues with someone we both know and he knows all my friends. My husband is very concerned with money (obsessed, maybe?) He makes 6 figures. I work part time and make about 1/10th of what he makes. He has always been upset about the amount of money I spend, even though we have 4 children and the bulk of what I spend is on them - clothes, shoes, school supplies, toiletries, etc., always at discount stores or on clearance. I have asked repeatedly about him setting a budget, and the two visits we had with a counselor, he also said he should give me a budget, but he won't. Then he took my credit card away, which he paid, and said that I should pay for things with my paycheck. He said I wouldn't have to pay for gas, copays, groceries, meds, birthday gifts...just the "extras". Well, I have had to pay for all of it and now I am in serious debt. I know I just have to tell him and all that money he has saved will have to pay for what he hasn't paid for in these 7 months, but I know he will freak out. Also, our marriage has been in serious trouble anyway because while he has plenty to say to his friends, he rarely talks to me - and never a genuine converstation - just information sharing. I've had to go on meds for anxiety (a few yrs ago) and also have developed a stress-related heart problem requiring meds. Any advice on how to proceed? Thank you to anyone reading all this - I know it's long!

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I don't think he is going to make an effort to repair the relationship. My biggest concern right now is my kids. I never wanted to get a divorce because I don't want them to have a broken home. I don't know how long I can hold out, though. I planned to leave when my youngest was 18 - 12 years from now! I've even looked into annulments, and I think I might qualify. I am such a mess!
'I never wanted to get a divorce because I don't want them to have a broken home.'
But what you have isn't a marriage. You need to teach your children about respect and healthy relationships. Staying in this situation may not be what is best for them.
Whoa!!!!!! Whatever you do, DO NOT get an annulment! That would not only dissolve your marriage, it would dissolve his legal & financial obligations to you. Yes, he is required to support his children...but he is also legally required to financially support YOU to the level at which you've grown accustomed to in the marriage. Being the nanny, maid, etc all these years - you are entitled to that. Please don't throw it away just bc you are upset right now. If you are going to offer your children the best life going forward, you are going to need that financial income (I purposefully didn't choose the word "help" bc this is money you already EARNED). He doesn't "help" you financially - you've earned it by your unspoken agreement in your marriage to stay home while he worked. Think of all the daycare costs you've saved, all the cleaning bills and realize that you have a value. The reason I'm belying this point is bc if you do choose to move on, you may have a skewed idea of r/ship after having lived like this for so many years.
Good luck whatever you decide,
Dee
Don't start an annulment now through the church, wait till you are divorced through the court.
My divorce was final in 2000 and I just got my annulment approved by the tribunal a couple weeks ago.
Well, after a few months of being able to handle the relationship, I'm back to needing some support.
I've heard it said several times ... "A child would rather be from a broken and happy home, then a broken and miserable one"... someone correct me on the saying if you will, but it goes something like that.
Welcome to the board lindaro07,
::Also, as it is only me who ever "makes a move", nothing will happen unless I start it.
Hello!
Nobody is perfect, what you are describing is what my parent's where like and the only reason they stayed together was for me! and i am so messed up becuase of it! i would of ratherd them be happy with different ppl than be miserable together just for me! i had to go through alot of counceling because of them. if you can do what is right for you and do what makes you happy, and healthy. staying somewhere where you are not happy reflects on your children. take my word for it! i'm not telling you what to do but im just giving you perspective from a child who's been through a life of hurt because of stubborn parents.
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