Money Issues...need advice
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Money Issues...need advice
| Wed, 03-31-2004 - 8:21am |
Ok. I have been with this guy for a little over 1 and a half years. We were both raised in different families. He was raised in a family who had credit cards, only one parent worked and the other spent the money, yadda yadda. His mom naggs him about what he spends and doesn't spend. I was raised in a family who does not use credit cards often, but when they are used, they are paid off in full at the end of the month. Here is my dilema. My boyfriend has 2 credit cards. One he has been working on getting down by paying as much as he can on the monthly payment. The other card he has been paying the minimum payment. Both of the cards add up to 13,000. Ok. So, for a while he cut up the credit cards and did not use them at all. His bank amount money that was extra he would spend on eating out at the mall (which is where he works). Recently, I have caught him not telling the truth about what he has and has not been spending money on. Like using the credit card every so often, and eating out using his bank account money. Do I have a right to know? We were engaged at one time but then said he wanted to take it slower and so now we are just boyfriend/girlfriend but committed...meaning one day we do want to get married and live together....I hate that he is dishonest about money spending. I know part of it is due to his mom, but I am not his mom. I am honest with him about EVERYTHING! I don't feel like myself and often question things that he is saying to me....though I know he would never cheat on me. I don't know what to do or think. If there is anything any of you can say to help make me feel better or to give me a positive outlook on life, then please do. My head just goes in circles.
Thanks
M

ummmm. no. he is a grown up, and HE is choosing to act this way. you can't blame his mom or his upbringing for this. he is choosing to not take responsibility for his spending, and he is choosing to lie to you instead of telling the truth.
no, you don't know. this is a man who would rather lie than stand up to you. this is a man who does what he wants to do in terms of spending money, with no thought to the outcome.
sorry, i understand you used to be engaged, and in your mind you may get married someday? so my big question would be "WHY"?
M
Trust and honest, open communication is crucial in a marriage and in any good relationship. If you cannot believe what he tells you, then this is a problem that needs to be addressed. Money often reflects many other issues in a relationship. The two of you can have difficult styles of dealing with finances, and you do, and still be okay together if you have a workable agreement between the two of you about how this will be handled, and if both are honest and responsible about keeping their words. Sit down with him, in a non-critical or blaming way, and discuss it with him. Let him know that you feel uneasy about the fact that you feel he is not forthcoming with you. Get that straightened out. Regarding his use of credit cards, if he is not addicted to them, or spending way over his head, many people do use credit cards, and there's nothing inherently wrong with it. If, however, you feel the way he handles money is not responsible, then let him know that this makes you feel uneasy and insecure about building a life together unless this area is handled. The only way to resolve all of this is to get it out in the open and work it through. If you cannot do it alone together, there is nothing wrong with bringing in a professional counsellor for a few sessions.
Best wishes.
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M