More space or a divorce??

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2007
More space or a divorce??
29
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 6:48pm

My wife and I have been having issues...We had some ups and some downs. We are on a down and I don't know if we are going to pull out of this. The issue is I don't think my wife ever really forgives. Just adds another notch to her belt of things I did wrong. I never done anything bad, but we had fights over little things. I suspect its depression,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 8:03pm

Welcome to the board my_privacy,


Will she go to counseling with you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 8:04pm
It seems that going into her cave isnt working for her, is it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2007
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 8:13pm

That was the first thing I suggested and she said no. I bought a couple of books and she will not read them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 8:26pm

If she won't even discuss it and admit that there is a problem, there is not much hope, if that is the case then you need to do what is right for you. It takes two people to make a relationship work, you seem to be the only one willing to do that, you can't do it alone. If she will not go to counseling find one for yourself to help cope with the decision that you will have to make.

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Fri, 08-01-2008 - 1:08pm
If she is not going to do anything to help herself or her marriage...then one cannot expect you to live in a loveless and one sided marriage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Fri, 08-01-2008 - 6:07pm

Doesn't want to be physical with you


Wants her space (without you - the unsaid part)


Has she said "I love you but I'm not "in love" with you"?


Refuses counseling, doesn't want to work on the relationship


If I were you I would look for evidence of an affair.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-01-2008 - 8:14pm

Your wife has already left you, though she is physically there. She is cutting off all physical contact, warmth and even verbal expressions of love. Does sound as if she's repeating her parent's patterns. This won't get worked out unless she is willing to get professional help, talk things over, face her issues and unless she really wants it to work. It doesn't sound that way to me. She's just acting out and probably trying to push you to be the one who says, Enough, by rejecting you in this way and depriving you of your needs.


The real question is why you are staying in this abusive situation? I strongly suggest that you seek personal counselling to help you get clear on your feelings, needs and what you deserve. You also need support in making healthy choices for yourself. You deserve to be loved, wanted, appreciated and have someone who feels the way you do.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2007
Fri, 08-01-2008 - 9:22pm

I’m a practicing roman catholic. Its taking every once of my strength to stay in this marriage and make it work. Many times I’d like to say F* It and jump ship, but I’m not ready to give up, even if she has.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Sat, 08-02-2008 - 7:44am

How do people who cheat get caught?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2007
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 2:36am

Sorry for the long note but I need to vent…Well you were right in pointing out she has already left this marriage and was waiting for me to get fed up. Problem is I haven’t given up. I still want this to work out. I love her. She asked me why I’d put myself through this, to be treated like this, to stick with a woman that doesn’t want to touch you or love you…I asking myself the same thing. Am I wrong wanted to fight for my marriage when 50% of the world ends their marriage?

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