I think it would be a very good idea for you to start seeing a counselor. It is clear that you haven't gotten over the fact that your husband left you 9 years ago. This is probably due to the fact that you are still legally married. I would consider changing that.
Also your daughter has every right to see her father and his girlfriend. This is her choice to make and it isn't right of you to tell her that she will never see you again if she does. You are essentially making her choose between you and her father. She deserves to have a relationship with both of her parents.
I think you need to call your daugther and tell her that you are sorry you yelled at her and that you are okay with her meeting this woman but that it is still a sore subject for you and you would prefer to not know about it.
I really think this whole thing boils down to the fact that you aren't divorced yet. I think this needs to be resolved.
I don't think you read my post correctly, based on your judgmental reply. I'm not telling my daughter to choose between me and her father, however, she can see her father without the inclusion of his "mistress. "
Actually, I did read your post correctly and I wasn't trying to sound judgmental. I was trying to word my post as nicely as possible because I knew you wouldn't like my answer.
Essentially when you told her you wouldn't see her again if she saw her fathers girlfriend you were telling her to choose. Whether you like it or not he is with this other women and she is important to him. Therefore your daughter feels in order to have a good relationship with her father she needs to meet this women.
I understand that he is technically having an adulterous affair, but it is not like he is trying to do it behind your back or to continue to have a relationship with you. You have been separated for 9 years. If you would have divorced, than this wouldn't be an issue. You choose to remain married to him after he told you he wanted to date other people and after he started seeing this women.
I'm not going to get into the legalities and definition of what a marriage is or isn't, but we are legally married. I did not break up with him, he deserted his family.
He currently does have a relationship with your daugther without the other woman being involved because your daughter hasn't met her yet. If your daughter didn't want to meet her, than she wouldn't have to. However, your daughter is 28 and making the decision on her own. She has every right to do that. I highly doubt your husband told her that if she didn't meet her that he would never see her again. He isn't forcing this on her.
Apparently, he IS forcing this on her because I overhead her telling one of her friends that if she makes excuses not to meet her, her father gets mad and she doesn't know what to do.
I am sticking with my original advice to apologize to your daughter. You want to repair you relationship with her. And to think about getting a divorce.
Welcome to the board abbydo2004,
I think it would be a very good idea for you to start seeing a counselor. It is clear that you haven't gotten over the fact that your husband left you 9 years ago. This is probably due to the fact that you are still legally married. I would consider changing that.
Also your daughter has every right to see her father and his girlfriend. This is her choice to make and it isn't right of you to tell her that she will never see you again if she does. You are essentially making her choose between you and her father. She deserves to have a relationship with both of her parents.
I think you need to call your daugther and tell her that you are sorry you yelled at her and that you are okay with her meeting this woman but that it is still a sore subject for you and you would prefer to not know about it.
I really think this whole thing boils down to the fact that you aren't divorced yet. I think this needs to be resolved.
glitter-graphics.com
Actually, I did read your post correctly and I wasn't trying to sound judgmental. I was trying to word my post as nicely as possible because I knew you wouldn't like my answer.
Essentially when you told her you wouldn't see her again if she saw her fathers girlfriend you were telling her to choose. Whether you like it or not he is with this other women and she is important to him. Therefore your daughter feels in order to have a good relationship with her father she needs to meet this women.
I understand that he is technically having an adulterous affair, but it is not like he is trying to do it behind your back or to continue to have a relationship with you. You have been separated for 9 years. If you would have divorced, than this wouldn't be an issue. You choose to remain married to him after he told you he wanted to date other people and after he started seeing this women.
glitter-graphics.com
But you broke up nine years ago....and you said the only reason you're not divorced is a matter of convenience.
You write - "Therefore your daughter feels in order to have a good relationship with her father she needs to meet this woman."
glitter-graphics.com
Apparently, he IS forcing this on her because I overhead her telling one of her friends that if she makes excuses not to meet her, her father gets mad and she doesn't know what to do.
If he truly is forcing her that isn't right.
I am sticking with my original advice to apologize to your daughter. You want to repair you relationship with her. And to think about getting a divorce.
glitter-graphics.com