mother-in-law

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
mother-in-law
3
Fri, 01-30-2004 - 2:17pm
I love my mother-in-law. She is such a sweet woman but I'm having some issues with how she treats my husband. He is an only child and she definitely dotes on him. When we are together (the 3 of us) in public she's always holding his hand or somehow showing what I think is inappropriate affection. I feel embarrassed to be with them. He thinks its normal and says I have jealousy issues. We have been married two years now. He is so incredibly affectionate with me and I love that. I just don't think he and his mom should be the same. help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
In reply to: rose2504
Fri, 01-30-2004 - 3:32pm
Oh dear, you will never change the relationship between a mother and her son -- that dynamic was set in motion many, many years ago. Nor should you. You are embarrassed by it and feel it's inappropriate but I doubt very much you'll ever get them to see eye to eye with you on that one. My own MIL is also very affectionate with my husband, as well as her other adult children. They don't walk holding hands, but she is very outwardly affectionate. She's that way with her adult grandchildren too, and everyone in the family likes it and is comfortable with it. I personally think they are a very loving family and growing up in that family has made my husband the caring, giving, sensitive man he is today, and I appreciate that greatly. I think you need to face the fact that the dynamic between them is not going to change, and you really have no right to ask that it does. She was his mother long before you were his wife, and always will be. And, instead of looking at it as something negative, look at it as something positive. They are showing love for one another. Why is that inappropriate? I'm not sure if jealousy is involved with your feelings, but I think you should openly explore that in case it is. Do you feel he should be holding your hand instead of hers? Jealousy has no place in a loving relationship. Try to really dig down and see why you feel it's inappropriate and view it as a negative thing. I know you don't want to hear this, but I think it's your issue to solve and explore, and not his. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
In reply to: rose2504
Fri, 01-30-2004 - 4:01pm

1.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: rose2504
Fri, 01-30-2004 - 7:32pm
"He thinks its normal"

Then why would he change his behavior?

I agree that it might be embarassing for you but if it isn't harmful or illegal then there isn't much for you to do except find a way to deal with it.