A quick run down of history - I'm 40.
There are so many red flags in your post.
My 'terms' as he called it, were that we would stay married, he would wear his ring, he would share his location on latitude.
Yes; I also see many red flags and please dont let him back into your house. J doesnt sound stable and your children are at risk.
Maybe you need to date him as you say for closure. I remember when I was going through a divorce and after my divorce was done I did see my ex husband here and there and my ex was a mental case.. I guess I just needed to end that unfinished business with him..
Then my ex went back with his gfriend and I went on with my life and that was that.
Dr.Phil says that you are ready to divorce when you can walk out the door without pain or grief or tears or anger. You just know its time to go..Your psyche and soul and heart will know. So take it slow and seek out counseling.. They can help you move forward into reality.
Daisyverymarried, as a mother, your children are your first priority.
This whole story is nuts.
You need to get some help for yourself!
I got divorced & got remarried when my DD was 13.
Please don't take this the wrong way... Your post is so disturbing, I am seriously concerned for you and your kids.
I really think you need to talk with a professional. You are in a very unhealthy place, and you are not the only victim. If there is even a question in your mind that you should "work it out" with a man who has abused your children, you can't afford NOT to find a psychologist to give you the help you really need. You and your kids (though they are close to adulthood) should not have to suffer because of the men you choose.