MOVING ON AFTER BETRAYAL?? POSSIBLE??

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2007
MOVING ON AFTER BETRAYAL?? POSSIBLE??
4
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 10:07am

I REALLY NEED

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 1:07pm

Welcome to the board itlngrlnyc,


First, I'm going to ask you to edit your post and remove your email address, as it goes against the TOS of this board.


Most couples can't heal a betrayal and rebuild trust without counseling.


Reading material:


Do Not Talk To, Touch, Marry, or Otherwise Fiddle with Frogs, by Nailah Shami


Are You The One For Me? Barbara DeAngelis


Straight Talk About Betrayal: A Self-Help Guide for Couples by Donna R. Bellafiore


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 1:12pm

Welcome to the board,


If you can't get over what he did with the other girl, I don't see a relationship working with the two of you. You will always have trust issues with him because of it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 8:27pm

My question for you is why do you want to get back together. Is it because you truly believe you've found a worthwhile life partner- somebody who will treat you fairly and honestly, always be there for you, etc. Or is it because breaking up with is so painful and makes you miss him? It sounds to me like irregardless of the cheating, you were realizing that this was not the right relationship for you.

Now you are having to go through the pain of breaking up with him, which is always going to be very difficult after being with somebody for three years. It's normal for you both to desire each other after a break up and to feel as though it is worth doing anything to stay together. But has he really turned over a new leaf, or is he going to go back to taking you for granted like he did before after this has passed? Do you really want to be with him because you feel as though he offered you a lot while you were with him, or is it only because you are feeling so hurt and jealous by what he did? I guess I am just a little skeptical in situations like this. Often times it's easy to think things will change in the heat of the moment, but then things just revert back to where they were before.

If you guys are going to make this work, then it will take a lot of effort on both your parts. You will really have to deal with all the issues you had in your relationship before so they don't come back, and he will really have to go out of his way to prove you that you can trust him from now. He will have to be understanding of your mood swings and go out of his way to make it up to you for how he's hurt you. You can always give it a shot if you want to know if it's for real or not. Just be prepared that it will not be easy and that at this point there are no guarantees.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 9:45pm
If you cant move forward because of what happened then it will unravel down the road anyway.