Moving in together...need advice!!!
Find a Conversation
Moving in together...need advice!!!
| Wed, 01-14-2004 - 5:36pm |
Here's the scenario....
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over two years. Several months of the relationship, we lived in the same city. However, most of the relationship has been long distance. Currently we are about 1000 miles apart and are starting to feel the strain and stress associated with this much distance between us. We have talked about getting married, but do not want to feel pressured by having to get married in order to stay together. Sooooo, he wants me to move in with him to see how we exist on a day-to-day basis without having to leave one another after the weekend is over. Also, he wants to see how our relationship functions on a daily basis given his extremely time-consuming career. He is a law student and spends a LOT of time at trials, preparing cases, etc. Most nights, he isn't home until 10 or so. This is not the concern for me. I will make friends to hang out with, am very self-sufficient and generally enjoy a lot of "Me" time. My concern is that I am afraid to relocate my life only to find out that it won't work out. I feel that if we aren't engaged and I move that far away, it will be easier for him to "get out" of the relationship if things don't go exactly as he wants them to. In short, I know without a doubt that I truly love and want to be with this man forever, but am scared to take the chance for fear that it won't work out and I will be left alone in a new city. I don't know what to do. I can't stand the thought of losing him, but I am so scared. What are your thoughts?
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over two years. Several months of the relationship, we lived in the same city. However, most of the relationship has been long distance. Currently we are about 1000 miles apart and are starting to feel the strain and stress associated with this much distance between us. We have talked about getting married, but do not want to feel pressured by having to get married in order to stay together. Sooooo, he wants me to move in with him to see how we exist on a day-to-day basis without having to leave one another after the weekend is over. Also, he wants to see how our relationship functions on a daily basis given his extremely time-consuming career. He is a law student and spends a LOT of time at trials, preparing cases, etc. Most nights, he isn't home until 10 or so. This is not the concern for me. I will make friends to hang out with, am very self-sufficient and generally enjoy a lot of "Me" time. My concern is that I am afraid to relocate my life only to find out that it won't work out. I feel that if we aren't engaged and I move that far away, it will be easier for him to "get out" of the relationship if things don't go exactly as he wants them to. In short, I know without a doubt that I truly love and want to be with this man forever, but am scared to take the chance for fear that it won't work out and I will be left alone in a new city. I don't know what to do. I can't stand the thought of losing him, but I am so scared. What are your thoughts?

I think that every relationship will come to the point where you need to decide if it's moving forward or not. I think you've reached that point in yours. If you DON'T move in together, will you ever? How will you ever know if he is the one for you? I think the only way you will ever know IS to take that leap. You sound like a strong, self-sufficent person. If it doesn't work out, you'll be okay. Also, you're right, you don't want to be pressured into marriage just to stay together. Imagine getting married only to find out it won't work out! Sometimes in life the only way to find out if somethings meant to be is to take a risk. I say go for it. Good luck!