Much has been said Once a...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Much has been said Once a...
1
Sat, 08-28-2004 - 12:02am
Cheater always a Cheater . We have all heard the saying.

Well I am now in a relationship with one. We are in counseling and on the road to recovery (D-DAY MAY 8 2004).

I have been on the Betrayal support boards I haven't put this question out there because most of us are working our way through the experience.

But I want to know if it has happen once do most believe it will happen twice?

Even with counseling?

Do most believe that with help that is the end or at least you have a better chance of it not happening again?

I know we are all different and at any point any one of us could be caught off guard and find ourselves in a place we never thought we'd go.

I would just like honest feed back your opinion not necessarily what the media has put out there cuz there is allot of conflicting data.

Thanks

Written with Hope

DiDeeDOE

Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet. ~Roger Miller

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Sat, 08-28-2004 - 8:18am
Much depends on the reason for straying, and whether that issue(s) has been addressed through counseling (or even CAN be addressed...). Without getting into your personal details, here's what I've observed from my loved ones and friends.

Cheating just for sex is probably the easiest to "slip" on, as it is frequently a compulsion/addiction. Some people get a thrill from doing the forbidden, others just want different sex than they feel they can ask for from their spouse/partner. It IS possible to work through this - the cheater must be willing to truly identify the reason for cheating, what he/she was looking for, and the partner must be willing to try to meet those needs as much as possible.

Emotional cheating is frequently a one-occurance event, if the underlying cause is addressed. Again, you need to make sure you reach the true cause for it - need for someone to make him/her feel loved, respected, sexy, whatever. I know people who have cheated emotionally (with and without sex), and one complaint I hear from most of them is feeling like they had little control in the relationship, and this was one way to get some back. If you fall into this category, you may find that YOU have some issues to address on your own, that you may need to change your own behaviors and beliefs to some extent. If both of you are willing to make the changes, you have a very good chance of making this work.

Best wishes to you both - this is a hard, emotional time, and I pray you come through it stronger than ever.