Must he share cell phone records?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2008
Must he share cell phone records?
12
Sun, 02-22-2009 - 4:06pm

Question:

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Mon, 02-23-2009 - 2:57am

I don't know whether he *must* share with you, but if he wants to regain your trust, it would be wise. But not just phone records - if he wants your trust back, he should be an open book about all his life.

Having said that, I'll bet you've got a whole lot more going on here than phone records. It really seems that the two of you have different views on how a marriage should be run. You like to work as a team while he likes to make his own decisions. This can't make for a harmonious marriage.

Tell me, does solo decision making affect other areas of your marriage? (eg; childrearing, general spending)
What was his reasoning in not telling you about the new house?
Why do you think he may be having an affair?
Generally speaking, do you feel as though you have a say in what does and doesn't happen?
If he didn't get your trust back, would he care?
If he doesn't care to get your trust back, what will you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Mon, 02-23-2009 - 7:55pm
If the two of you agreed to him sharing phone records as a part of reconciling past issues and he is breaking that agreement then something is "up".
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 02-23-2009 - 10:46pm

Welcome to the board suze.jones,

Have you brought these issues up in the counseling session? I would. If you've express how important it is to you and he's not able to give you what you need, I'd question if he was serious about saving the marriage. Buying another house without telling me, would be a dealbreaker unless it was a gift to me.





iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 12:36am

>>Buying another house without telling me, would be a dealbreaker unless it was a gift to me.<<

I was debating this one in my head, which is why I ended up asking the question about how he justified the purchase.

In my relationship, we have joint accounts. What's mine is his and what's his is mine. Because of the set-up, buying a house without talking to me would be a HUGE deal. I would be furious and suffering a great loss of trust.

However, other relationships have other dynamics. Some married couples have completely separate finances. Partners who each pay half of the mortgage and bills and have individual savings. If a couple's finances operate 100% independently of each other, a person buying a house with his/her own money isn't a bad thing.

I really want to know the husband's point of view.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 12:47am

I agree, couples do define their relationships differently. Having a relationship with separate accounts is ok if both parties agree. I know me and it would be an incompatibility issue for me.

The little the OP has shared, it's hard to know what their foundation is, I too wonder how he justified it.





iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 12:51am

To be honest, I think there's a whole lot more going on. I'd lay money this isn't the only issue she's not been consulted on. I'm just trying to give the benefit of doubt till I know for sure.

I'm hoping the OP shares more with us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 1:50pm
me too!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
Wed, 02-25-2009 - 12:48am
It doesn't matter whose account is paying for what.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Wed, 02-25-2009 - 2:54am

Just to reiterate, I do think there's more going on than this one issue. My gut feeling is to agree with you. I'm just holding my fire until I hear his side of the story and hear about how their finances work.

Wanting the OP to come back and confirm.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2008
Sat, 02-28-2009 - 5:59pm
Yes, without question we've hurdled several very serious issues over the course of our relationship.

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