my bestfriend betrayed my trust now what
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my bestfriend betrayed my trust now what
| Sun, 10-05-2008 - 4:20pm |
Hello, my best friend of 6 years who is a guy that I have also been seeing for the past two years has recently told me he would take the opportunity if he could to be sexually with another woman. I was and am so hurt by this and it defiantly was something I never thought would happen which was him betraying my trust for him, not only as a intimate partner but also as a good friend. I feel empty, lost and confused. He isn’t the guy I thought he was. This is the guy I wanted to be with forever, the one who I always waited for and finally came and I thought I would marry this guy. I am 25 and he is 27 I want to be his friend but there is no way I can be with someone dating wise who I can not trust and who can sit there and tell me what he just did. How can I be friends with someone who said what he did to me and would do that to me and us. He says how after words he would regret it since he would ruin something great with me but he says at the time he would think its cool. I couldn’t believe what he was saying surly not the guy I thought he was nor the guy I would want to marry or be with just even dating wise. I new he has cheated in his past but that was the past and I tried my best to trust him. We talked and I grew to the point of being able to trust him completely. I never new I was able to trust someone the amount I did with him. It took me a while too and then he says this to me. I know he has never lied to me but now him saying this while he has told me differ I feel is lying to me and now I don’t know what to believe and I feel our friendship was a lie. I just feel so many feeling right now and he says to me how he doesn’t know how to fix what he says and he knows it was bad what he had told me. Even if I am his friend for now on only, how can I trust and believe him with things even though I know he hasn’t lied to me before but this is major. If I am just his friend for now on I don’t even know what I would do different to change so I am not as close as I was with him. He was my bestfriend and he does this to me. I know I would stop the sexual this and buying him things but other then that I am not sure what to stop. Thank you for reading this and I hope someone can be so kind to talk with me to help me through my feelings and thoughts. Thanks

My first question to you is does he feel the same about you as you do about him? If you have been friends for 6 years and lovers for 2 years when did the relationship turn sexual? I think you may have ruined your friendship with sex because to me it is obvious that he does not feel the same way, because if he did he would have never asked you something like that and than expect you to be okay with it. But if he never acts out on his question then I think the two of you need to sit down and re-examine your relationship. I do not think he betrayed your trust because he let you know his intentions up front instead of doing the act and then telling you he cheated on you. If you were friends for 4 years before entering in a relationship, I think you can be friends after the relationship. Give him a chance to see exactly where his head and heart is and then make the best decision for you. If you don't want to speak to him for a week, a month, or even a year if he is the friend you think he is, when you are ready to talk to him again he will be there. So just take some time, talk to him please and then make a decision.
I hope everything works out for you.
SexyinRed
after about a year or two after knowing each other we did sex things and just got closer these past two years. hes always told me its always been us and probably always will be. i thought i wrote a lot in the first post so not sure what the confusion here is.
<< i thought i wrote a lot in the first post so not sure what the confusion here is. >>
I have to agree with the last poster ... in that, I also don't see this as him betraying your trust.
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Welcome to the board giggles8333,
I think part of the confusion is the way you refer to him as your best friend and lover, but it doesn't tell us if you are in a 'friends with benefits' relationship or an exclusive, committed relationship headed towards marriage.
Lots of people entertain the idea of being with someone else sexually, but it doesn't mean that they would act on it. I'm sure it was hard for your to hear that from him.
Reading material to consider:
Relationship Rescue, Phil McGraw
Are You the One for Me? by Barbara DeAngelis
From what you've written, I don't think he's broken your trust. It appears you have two relationships with him: (1) friendship; (2) sex partners
As to (1), he doesn't owe you or any friend sexual fidelity. Think of your girlfriends. You're not betraying their trust if you have sex with someone (like your FWB).
As to (2), even if you both had agreed in the past to be sexually exclusive (friends with benefits), he still has not betrayed your trust. He is entitled to change his mind at any time and change the agreement. And it seems he has done so by telling you he wants to sleep with other women, lets you know its broken.
Sorry you're hurting. I think it's time to stop seeing him so that you can regain your balance. Being around someone who doesn't want as much as you do is pretty painful. And there's no way to make someone want you more.
Edited 10/7/2008 11:34 am ET by ioveranalyze