my bf doesn't tell me that he loves me

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2008
my bf doesn't tell me that he loves me
6
Sat, 04-26-2008 - 3:58pm
my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 8 years. we've had our problems in the past but managed to get through them (at least that's what i think). he never tells me that he loves me, unless i say it first. and when i confronted him about it he said that he doesn't need to because i know that he loves me!! even if i know (which i don't), i still want him to tell me. is that wrong?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sat, 04-26-2008 - 5:37pm
Is anything else amiss in your relationship or is it only the lack of him initiating "I love you"?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Sat, 04-26-2008 - 6:41pm
I think to you, the words are very meaningful. To him, they are just words. Neither one of you is right or wrong. People just have different ways of expressing and receiving love. There are likely other things he does that he sees as showing his love to you, but which you don't perceive the same way. It might be interesting to have a conversation with him about how he shows you his love. Just be open-minded that everybody sees things differently in this regard and don't judge him if his ways don't make as much sense to you. You might both want to try doing more of what the other one wants.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Sat, 04-26-2008 - 9:41pm

"i still want him to tell me. is that wrong? "


No, it is not wrong at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Sat, 04-26-2008 - 10:26pm

No that is not wrong..if that is what you want to hear.....but you need to realize those words are just words UNLESS actions back them up. Just because he doesn't say them doesn't mean he doesn't love you.....doesn't mean he is wrong if he doesn't say them, just the way he is.

Talk to him... Don't confront...that will put someone on the defensive very quickly. Communicate with him in a mature, rational way and be open to what he has to say and see if you can come to a understanding and compromise...BUT you have been with him for 8 years it hasn't changed by now don't expect it to change any time soon if ever. You supposedly fell in love with him the way he is, but now you want to change him, that will be impossible unless he is willing to change. Try to come to a compromise and if you can't then it is your choice to either accept him as is or leave and find someone that will say those words to you....Again they are just words unless actions back them up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 04-26-2008 - 10:41pm

Welcome to the board sophiasophia2008,


Read the book Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, to him or with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2008
Sun, 04-27-2008 - 6:20am
First of all I would like to thank everyone for their replies. To answer your question, he was very affectionate in the first couple of years of our relationship but then we went through