My b/f is a LIAR

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2008
My b/f is a LIAR
9
Tue, 04-01-2008 - 4:11am

I did post this in another board but I really want to get some feedback.

I have been dating my boyfriend for 1 1/2 years now and I have caught him in multiple lies. Basically somethings happened that made me suspicious so i went into his email and found out that he has like 8 emails! he always told me he only had one but he was emailing hmself from all of them.. well after checking through them i found out that he was a member of maybe three or four different porn forums where people post like actual vidoes of themselves..but the weird thing about that was he wasnt signed up as a male but as a female.. i wont tell him i know his passwords so i pretended to have someone emai land tell me.

he denied it so i had him check his email in front of me then he said someone must have signed me up.. but he had verify the membership and unless everyone knows his password then he would have know they were hacked and he still denied it....i let that go thought it still bothers me.
but again this being a few months later i noticed his behavior changed. He started getting distant, and working odd hours, not being as affectionate, and saying things like i would have come sooner but the laundry took so long (its doesnt take 5 hours to do laundry) so i checked his myspace a nd noticed 2 girls in his favorites. one in nj one in the next city...so again i pretended to have someone email me and say something about these girls..the one in nj he said he knew before as a friend but denied knowing the other one at all! well i emailed both just to check up the one he admitted to knowing says she doenst even remember him but the one in the next city completely ignored it. Well i come to find out she started working in the same building as him..he works in a gas station and she works in the food place across the store..we went in these one day to get something and she starts yelling at him acrosss the store saying hi jim hi really loudly and obnoxioulsy he just raised a hand and kept going with me but suppossedly he never talks to her so why would she do that???

then theres also when he talks about the manager whos name is celia he sometimes calls her sylvia (which is the girls name) by "accident". in a way i find it hard to take seriously because he is 25 and this girl just turned 18 and he basically lives with me he only sleeps home maybe once or twice a month and goes home to shower, do laundry, etc. which after he got out of work before used to only take about 1-2 hours but has recently escalated to 4 hours im getting really sick of this crap.. he keeps taking about moving in with me and having kids and all this other stuff and he buys my son presents all the time but what the hell is really going on? then today she wasnt working but i stopped by without telling him and he was over there getting an ice water but when i walked him over to his register i noticed he still had a full bottled water from this morning..was he just looking for an exscuse to go look for her??

something is obviously not right...should i give him an ultimatum to find a new job or i will break up with him, should i just break up with him, or should i just believe him when he says "nothings going on???"

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 04-01-2008 - 7:03am
You should really just break up with him. The amount of deceit going on is irreparable and I'm surprised you're even considering staying.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Tue, 04-01-2008 - 10:51am

"he keeps taking about moving in with me and having kids"


Yikes! Moving in with you will not make him a better person. His morals will not change. HIs desire to post on website as a woman will not change and he will not get more affectionate. Please do not get pregnant with this man's child.


'and he buys my son presents '


There is already one child who is subject to this guy? Imagine what he would learn growing up with him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 04-01-2008 - 11:34am

Welcome to the board june_july,


Even if you tell him to get another job and he does, he could still remain in contact with this girl or he could just find another girl at his new job. It wouldn't change the fact that he lies to you, and that you don't trust him. If you need to tell him how much all this bothers you, and see if anything can be fixed. If not, I think it is time to let him go and find someone more trustworthy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 04-01-2008 - 12:05pm

Welcome to the board june_july,


Him changing jobs will not stop him from lying.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Tue, 04-01-2008 - 2:02pm
Are you seriously considering continuing a relationship with this guy?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2008
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 12:42am

does anyone think theres any chance he's actually telling the truth? obviously not about the girls on myspace but about the porn and there being nothing between him and this little girl at dunkin donuts? when we're together we NEVER fight we are always happy but he is very moody and worries alot and then i check on himand most of time i find nothing but then theres things like this that turn up...and then i just think yea he lies about internet porn but hes not cheating on me and 90% of the time hes perfect for me so i guess just weigh the pros and cons..but this i guess has just really upset and its getting worse because my mother called his work to complain about prank calls to our house where i am living with her for now and someone egging her car because it only started happening recently so she thinks its this girl.

So she did this when i wasnt home and didnt know about it.. turns out he talked to the boss there already and then his boss got really pissed and flipped out on him! I dont understand that because they obviously followed him from work and someone gave my phone number out to some person who just came in off the street and asked. so now hes mad at me! i dont understand why but now he hasnt talked to me in two days but i think he quit his job...i didnt make the call and had no knowledge so i dont understand y i am getting the cold shoulder his best friend told me not to worry about that he'll be fine but i hate that he is doing this and i dont want it to end if i am just being paranoid

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 11:44am

Well clearly a lot is going on and it is not wise to deny reality. You yourself have found a great deal of evidence of him being involved online with many individuals and activities. It sounds as though he may have some sort of sexual or porn addiction. Not knowing him I cannot know exactly what's happening, but it is important for you to be clear about this relationship and what you are getting out of being in a situation such as this. I recommend you speak in person to a well trained counselor, who will be able to assist you in sorting things through, seeing clearly and taking action that is appropriate for you.


All good wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 11:51am

HI there june_july,


Your should break up with this guy immediately.


My concern is for you and the actions that you are taking.


The two of you are a terrible match.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 6:22pm
It sounds like he adds a lot of drama to your life - do you want that?