My BF's driving me crazy!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
My BF's driving me crazy!!!!
3
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 3:19pm
Just a little ranting here....

BF (of 2 1/2 years) and I have just started to pick up tender pieces of our relationship after a break up at the end of May. Afterwards, he was very endearing and caring. I had to unexpectantly take a trip out to Chicago for a few days for biz and when I came back there was a note saying he missed me & I could tell by the smile when we finally saw each other almost a week after leaving.

Good....for awhile. Last weekend I asked him if he minded if I end our Saturday night date early (10:00 PM) to go out for a ladies' night with some friends. One of whom is moving and will no longer be able to join us for these special times. BF said "OK---Be with your friend, since I know she's moving." BUT, added the remark "But just don't have too much fun." With that I went out and stayed out late and had a great time with my girls. When quizzed the next day how late I was out, I replied "late" and smiled. At this, he said "What if I called you at 1? What then?" I blew it off...but a bit miffed on the inside.

Yesterday while making a surprise visit to see him, I mentioned that I would be going to Chicago every six weeks or so for my job. BF loves that place as much as I do and so when I told him he became frustrated and told me that he doesn't think I have to go that often (he would really miss me) and when I planned on going in July, why didn't I arrange to stay all week--so he could meet me there on Friday to spend the weekend together? I read this statement as: "Honey, how insensitive can you be? Not thinking of how I will be totally lonely here without you and don't you know how much I love taking trips with you to Chicago. You should've thought about that booked an extra ticket at the time."

In the same conversation, I mentioned that I was taking two vacation days in the near future. And would be doing some running around, but mostly not doing much those days. He was offended that I didn't mention spending one of those days completely with him---when I had planned on spending the afternoon together that day (but just didn't say so). At this point, I was on edge and thinking: "You know what? These are my vacation days! If I wanted to spend them completely alone or going to yoga camp in AZ, why would I have to ask his permission?" At one time I had planned on going to visit my brother in HI (never been there) and BF threw a fit and said that if I went without him we would be very upset.

It feels like he wants to keep tabs on everything I do and everywhere I want to go! It's driving me bizerk! Why is he acting like a father lately, instead of a BF?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 8:09pm

Unfortunatley, for him and the relationship, he feels like he needs to control(or try to) you and the choices you make. Maybe after the breakup, he's insecure and feels he might lose you again, in turn, trying to control everything you do. For whatever reasoning he is using, its wrong. Problem is, he cant fix something he doesnt see as a problem.


You need to sit him down and explain to him that you love and enjoy your time together, but also need some independant time....This is for your job, not for leisure...and flaking on this might result in spending your spare time i nthe unemployment line and he still wouldnt see you....get what Im saying?


Point is, he needs to chill out...was this a problem before the break up?If so, run....If not, he may just be scared of losing you...reaaure him and go from there.By all means though, stand your ground...


Best wishes,


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 8:55pm
Honestly you have had so many problems with him that I wonder if you are really happy. What do you think of all the advice you have received here about this relationship? Is it worth it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 10:13pm
Your boyfriend sounds very clingy, and that would be driving me nuts as well. You really need to sit down and have a talk with him about this, about your expectations for the amount of time spent together. If he's not willing to allow you a decent amount of alone time, I don't know how you will be able to enjoy this relationship (or even tolerate it).

If this has always been an issue with him, I think he has a serious insecurity and control problem, and you should get away from him unless he truly realizes he needs to change and is willing to undergo counseling.

Good luck!

toriphile322