My boy friend and his ex-girlfriends
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| Thu, 08-19-2004 - 4:08pm |
In the beginning I tried to be friends with them too. But then he started talking to me about them all the time, and used to tell me all these funny stories about them, (about the girls whom I met and whom I didn't meet) how much he admires them, how successful they are, how athletic they are, etc. etc. Plus he used to be very criticizing towards me which is his general nature. That really started annoying me a lot. And it got built up and was very upset and conveyed it to him. He said he didn't realize it was upsetting me so much. In fact he thought I am a cool girl that I hang out with them whom he happened to be still friends with. I do not doubt him about cheating on me. But the fact that they are there everywhere and are a big part of his life irritates me a lot.
He stopped talking about them so much and stopped criticizing me too. But he still talks to them almost 2-3 times a week and hangs out with them quite very often. Ofcourse he is always open about it and tries to include me. But the fact that they have to be there for any special event or normal event in our life and there is nothing special for us irritates me a lot. Even if I plan something romantic and special for us he mentions about including others (his or my friends) into that. He is not romantic in nature. So that makes me feel I am not special for him. The fact that he is with me because I am more special and not with the other girls doesn't some how fits here.
I cannot ask him to stop seeing them as they are his friends but it bothers me a lot and I am very jealous about it. Sometimes I think that it is very unfair of him to do that. To give them so much importance in his life and I feel what is the necessity to do that especially when he has someone else in his life now. Why can't he make more guy friends and hang out with them. But at the same time I dont' know if I am just a being a jealous girl and I shouldn't feel about it this way. I am friends with some of my ex boy friends too but I don't hang out with them that often and do not include them in every event in my life. Even though my current boy friend might be cool about it, I don't think it is necessary to give them so much importance. They are past and we need to give more respect and importance to the current one in your life and avoid unnecessary problems.
Please let me know what you all think....I really like him a lot and I want this to work.
Edited 8/19/2004 4:49 pm ET ET by invrdc

Pianoguy has these quick suggestions.....because he has to start making music in an hour:
1. Stop acting like a WIFE...you aren't married to him...and besides, 9 month courtships don't necessarily lead to marriage!
2. Bring up ALL your old boyfriends and see what his reaction is.
3. Move into a different town where you won't be bothered by b/f and all of his EX's!
The most important thing to realize is the fact that your b/f ISN'T REALLY SERIOUS about any woman! He's more comfortable with a harem!
Pianoguy
Carrie
Edited 8/19/2004 5:01 pm ET ET by invrdc
I loved pianoguys response because of the humor he added to it.... I personally think your guy LOVES these women's attention and keeps them around to boost his ego. If he was in a committed relationship, hopefully he would be investing more time and effort in building a relationship with that woman (you) instead of spending so much time (based on your post) with these other women. I have best friends, my bf friend has best friends, but we have a life together and neither of us talk to our friends 2-3 times a week. We'd never have time for us, our family or our home if we did.
Carrie
Thanks a lot for your response.