My boyfriend complains alot
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My boyfriend complains alot
| Mon, 10-11-2004 - 5:21pm |
My boyfriend complains ALOT. At first, when he would complain, I thought it was due to certain incidents at the time..his roommates were messy and he hated always cleaning up after them, unfair work distribution at his job, etc. I would listen to him sympathetically and try to help him with his current problems. Then, after a while, I realized that he just doesn't stop. Usually he complains about the same things or the same issues (work, certain friends, etc.) over and over. But lately, I've been finding myself getting more and more frustrated with him and tired of listening to his moaning and groaning.
Don't get me wrong, I'm a totally patient and understanding person, but C'MON, you know? Enough is enough. The thing is that while I'm somewhat tired of his complaints, I don't ever want him to feel that he can't come to me or talk to me when things are bothering him. Communication is very important to me and I feel that if I show my frustration with him, he'll just close up and keep inside..i'm basically the only one he really confides in.
What can I do to tell him (in a nice way, of course) that I'm basically tired of listening to his sh*t, but at the same time not hurt his feelings in any way? Yea, I know that's a total contradiction, but that's the only way I can truly describe how I feel.
Please help!

Complainers are usually insecure people who live in fear all the time. While most complainers will never admit to that, they make themselves feel better by making the world a bad place. It's a horrible way to live if you ask me, but have you heard your BF's mom or dad talk? Typically complainers grew up in households with one or more complainers in it and the behavior is learned.
If it really bothers you, say so. Tell him that normally you are an optimist and life is too short to complain about anything. Tell him that you'd love to hear positive things out of his mouth once in a while so you have reassurance that he's not depressed. Or, simply ask him every day, "What made you happy today?" You may get a good answer or you may get a complaint. If you get a good answer, there is hope for this man. You just have to approach him optimistically. If he says something like, "Nothing made me happy today. This day was crappy," then he obviously can't find the good in life, let alone you. And if that's the case, you either have to live with it or you don't.