Is my boyfriend distant because of stress?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2011
Is my boyfriend distant because of stress?
6
Wed, 10-12-2011 - 12:26am

My boyfriend of four months is trying to sale his house, which it is down to closing time, work has picked up, and he has been struggling financially. He was very sweet for the first 3 months and never "forgot" to tell me he loved me in a text after I told him, until the last couple of weeks. He always waits for me to be the first to contact in the mornings for fear of waking me up, so he says. He doesn't talk about a future with me as much as he used to. We live 2 hours away from each other which is ok because that is all we can do for now. When I send him something sweet all I get back is, "aww that was sweet, thank you" or something of that sort. I just got out of a 3 year off and on relationship where everytime I turned around the guy would leave me, but eventually come back. I think I am just a little paranoid. I know that my boyfriend is not cheating. I have already met his parents and all his friends have pretty much became mine. We see eachother every weekend and it's always so great. Am I being paranoid?? What are your thoughts? Should I give him space until the whole house thing goes through and he is a little less stressed?

Thanks a million!!

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 10-12-2011 - 5:49am

Have you thought of asking him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Wed, 10-12-2011 - 9:30am

Do you think maybe you have extremely high expectations for such a short relationship (you "love" one another? REALLY?), especially after the fact that you just got out of another 3-year relationship where you never really stood up for yourself?

I don't think you're being paranoid. I think you need to be single. A boyfriend of four months shouldn't be talking "I love you" and "the future" and all that. You're making a commitment to one another based on feelings alone, you don't know one another well enough to know if you want a future together. valleygurlie, if you continue this way, you will wind up broken-hearted in any relationship. Your expectations aren't reasonable. Honestly, after three years of being continuously abandoned, I think your expectations are driven in part by desperation to find "the one".

As mark says, if you talk "future" with a guy this early, eventually he WILL start backing off because he WILL realize that it's just too soon, and if he continues talking along these lines, it will only be because he knows you are comforted by these things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2011
Wed, 10-12-2011 - 9:30am
I understand about the premature thing and have thought about that myself and try to take it a day at a time and just enjoy having him in my life.

I have asked him and he just tells me he has all that on his plate. I have asked him if there was anything I can do or anything and he just says he won't relax until he gets things done and out of the way. He tells me I'm silly. I did used to get more than "aww that was sweet" from him and I miss that.

Like I said I think I'm just paranoid. I just wanted someone else's opinion. Thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Wed, 10-12-2011 - 1:47pm
The only thing, like others, that stands out for me is the fast forward speed of your ' relationship ' .

Not only that, but this " I have already met his parents and all his friends have pretty much became mine. " is waaaaay to fast.Put on a speed bumper and you will begin to see things more clearly w/o being confused or paranoid.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Thu, 10-13-2011 - 12:41am

Four months, two hours apart.......and you know all about him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 10-13-2011 - 8:57am

Aaaaaaaaaamen!!!