My boyfriend doesnt trust me

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2007
My boyfriend doesnt trust me
5
Sat, 10-20-2007 - 11:59am
Hi, I'm a freshman in college - and like all of my friends I do go to parties. My boyfriend who took ayear off to work is at home. I'm only an hour away but I do dorm here. Everything is okay except for the fact that my boyfriend doesnt like when I go out to parties. He says that they're bad news and doesnt trust them. He thinks I'm goign to get really drunk one night and cheat on him like his ex girfriend did. WE've been dating for 10 months now and I dont drink a lot to begin with and have never ever given him a reason not to trust me. Now hes talking about maybe we should go on a break because if we end on good terms now he won't hate me if I end up cheating on him down the road. THis is RIDICULOUS. I love him so much and he loves me but hes talking crazy. I would never cheat on him. I don't know what to say to him
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sat, 10-20-2007 - 1:13pm

I think you're understanding why most college relationships like these don't work out. He can't handle a girlfriend who is in college without him - it's nothing personal against you, he's just not very trusting and it could be that he was cheated on in the past, but he's asking you for a break because of his own insecurities. You can't say anything to make him feel differently. To be honest, you could stop partying and drinking altogether and he'd still find something to hold over your head.

If you're wise you'll end it now. You just started college, do you really think you can go through four years of him acting like this? If he couldn't go two months without dangling the word "break" over your head, what future does this relationship really have?

I think if you stay with him you'll be postponing the inevitable and putting your life on hold for someone who isn't right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2007
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 9:40pm

Agreed. This is doomed to fail. If he doesn't trust you and you haven't given him a reason, then he has issues that you can't do anything about.


Everyone in college knows/knew someone with a boyfriend like this. She couldn't ever go out because she was waiting in the dorm for him to call, so they could argue about his insecurities and what he thought was *really* going on.


You'll look back in 5 years and be really mad that you wasted your college years doing what he demanded of you, instead of having fun looking for the right guy. If he was the right guy, you wouldn't be unhappy. He would find a way to come up and visit on the weekends and go to parties with you instead of making you stay away and be unhappy like him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2007
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 10:52pm
Why tie yourself down to someone who isn't going to trust you? You're surrounded by thousands of single guys who are doing something with their lives by getting an education. Sounds like your boyfriend has too much time on his hands. Who knows, he may be putting the guilt trip on you just to cover up his own indiscretions... men have been known to do that, you know...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 11:46pm

Welcome to the board dee288,


::He thinks I'm goign to get really drunk one night and cheat on him like his ex girfriend did.


That pretty much says it all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2007
Fri, 11-09-2007 - 1:44am
me and my guy are fighting right now...the thing is tho, we still want to be with each other. but he lied to me to see another girl, and i found out because he felt guilty for lying. The other thing is we decided before i left for college that i would not hang out with a boy alone and he would not hang out with a girl alone -- because honestly i find that wrong to do when ur in a relationship with someone. especially when ur working thru difficult times like college. anyway he did and knew i wud be mad so kept it from me. when he told me i FLIPPED. which i shudnt have done. and then i calmed down but we still were fighting. he then said he wanted a break but took it back. tonight we hung out and talked for like 3 hours and i finally told him that he lied to me and i dont trust him as much. and he agreed what he did was wrong and if it was me who did it he wud never trust me again and probably have broken up with me. i told him im willing to forgive if hes willing to stop hanging out with a girl one on one. and he thought i was being ridiculous. i tried making him see it from my point of view. and tried showing him how willing i am to make sacrifices to him and if i meant the same to him as he does to me he wud do the same for me, i then told him that i can regain my trust in him but he needs to decide which is more important to him -- me and our relationship, or seeing a girl one on one. he was really sick tonight and said his head wasnt in the riht place but he felt it was wrong of me to make him chose. and maybe it is...but im not okay with him being alone with a girl...and im not okay with him lying...i dont know if im right or not tho, i dont ever want to make him chose -- but ifeel like i have no choice in it anymore. the thing is also that he expects me to follow it but its okay if he does it..and it doenst work like that. i wudnt be like this if he wasnt the same way about EVERYTHING. hes SO overprotective, and i cant be the only one willing to sacrifice