My Boyfriend is Greek.
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My Boyfriend is Greek.
| Thu, 05-13-2004 - 1:38pm |
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 3 years now having broken up twice and moved out once. We're back together and living together again but some small old habits keep coming back that used to be a big big problem with us. If he's tired and at work while I'm at home I'll ask him maybe once or twice if he's sure he doesn't want me to bring him something to eat and the second time I asked him he was completely sarcastic and just plain rude about it. He constantly tells me I'm not listening which isn't true, although I will admit sometimes it's hard to pay attention. I feel like he expects me to do the housework just because I don't work full time which I'm working on and wait on him hand and foot. I don't mind doing things for him, and even though I shouldn't be expecting anything, I don't ever get anything in return. I don't mind doing housework but I don't get anything for it except him telling me what I missed, things I forgot to do or he'll snap at me and say he has to go behind me and re-do most of my work. He doesn't understand that I bust my butt at work and he claims that I take the easy, lazy way out of things. "Can you get me a glass of water?" and when I do he doens't say thanks but does say that there's no ice. "You know I like butter on my biscuits" I don't like confrontation so when we argue he pretty much talks down to me and I just kind of cower with my tail between my legs. Anything I say in response to his argument, he has a comeback for. Our sex life is brutal at times. It's only when he's in the mood for it and he doesnt' take the hint when I want to do something. He wants things done to him but never returns the favor. He's get mad when I try and tell him that it's always when he wants it, not just sometimes and it's never just once that he doesn't 'do' something. Someone please help me with advice or something. How can I tell him in a nice way without it back firing on me?

Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft
No Visible Wounds: Identifying Nonphysical Abuse of Women by Their Men by Mary Susan
The Verbal Abusive Relationships by Dr. Patricia Evans
Carrie
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlrelationsh&msg=18055.4
Second one, is try humor -
::I don't mind doing housework but I don't get anything for it except him telling me what I missed, things I forgot to do or he'll snap at me and say he has to go behind me and re-do most of my work.
'It's the maid's day off. Shall we get a new one?'
::"Can you get me a glass of water?" and when I do he doens't say thanks but does say that there's no ice.
'so sorry we ran out of ice cubes, shall I go to the North Pole? OR laugh and say 'who raised you? I'm sure your mom taught you to say thank you.'
::"You know I like butter on my biscuits"
Try ignoring comments that don't require a response. If he wanted butter bad enough he'd get up and make it himself.
I use to work for a very critical boss.... one day I stood up out of my chair and gestured to it, "you want my chair?" "What? he asked. I said "Do you want my job? You can have it, if I'm not doing the job well enough for you." He never again was so critical.
Third, you can get some short-term counseling and work on your self-esteem.
::I don't like confrontation so when we argue he pretty much talks down to me and I just kind of cower with my tail between my legs.
When your feelings matter more to you, then his, you will stand up for yourself.
My best to you.
PS I just thought of one more, my brother pointed this out once - narrate - when he disrespects you, puts you down, call it like it is - 'there it is, right there, being disrespectful.' Then walk away.
People treat us the way we allow them to treat us.
Edited 5/13/2004 4:20 pm ET ET by itwinflame
Carrie