My boyfriend has little interest in sex and I now feel repulsive

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2011
My boyfriend has little interest in sex and I now feel repulsive
2
Thu, 06-23-2011 - 2:40pm

I am 20 and my boyfriend is 21. I lost my virginity to him a few months ago, which was always something that was incredibly important to me. I don't regret it but the fact that he rarely wants sex anymore is making my feel pretty awful about it. About a year ago, he had multiple flings after a bad break up and then when he met me, he finally decided he wanted a real relationship again. We've been great for a while and as much as I love the guy, I can't help but feel like I'm just repulsive or something when he was all sex crazy before he met me and now that he's with me, that went away pretty fast. He keeps telling me it's not me and he thinks it's something physcological caused by his last abusive relationship because he just recently started being like this and he says there's no reason that a 21 year old guy should never be in the mood. I know he genuinely feels bad that he's making me feel bad, so he will usually agree to have sex when I want to but the fact that he's only doing it for my sake and not because he has an interest usually makes me change my mind. He's telling me he wants to start seeing a therapist for it but I don't know what more I can do to help him with it because nothing positive ever comes from it and I either feel stupid or bad about myself. It's difficult for someone to be your first time while you're their number five anyways, but especially when he's being like this. He also watches a decent amount of porn and when I bring up how much that bothers me he says it's only to get himself off for "stress relief" and it's not that I think he's got more of an interest in some random stranger than me, but when he rarely wants sex from me, his watching porn makes that even worse. I don't think he's lying about it not being about me because we really do have a fantastic relationship in almost every way, but feeling like a sex addict and being rejected when typically this is something a guy would really be after at his age is depressing me. I just don't know what else I can do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

Look, his lack of interest in sex has NOTHING to do with you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I don't think there is really anything you can do.