My boyfriend keeps lying...why???
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| Tue, 05-04-2004 - 11:49am |
I'm so scare of continuing to invest on my boyfriend after knowing now that he is still lying to me about the same issues. I'm so frustrated with him. The thing is, they are small stuff, some might say they are silly, but they bother me and we've had several conversations about them and he knows how much they upset me. He gives me temporary solutions, but somehow after picking his brain, I've come to find out he is still lying to me about them..grrr
Okay this is the current situation, I've been dating this guy for a year and when I first met him I knew he had a "smoking" history and even though I was against it, I continued talking to him because he lead me to beleive that he was going to quit. It never became a problem until these last few months, he started to get curious again. He would gradually bring up the subject and had discussions with me on why he feels it's not a bad thing. I started to get curious myself and I decided to make an effort to understand him because I love him dearly so I tried it. We tried it very little times together and to me it felt like we were bonding and I was being a cool gf by taking the initiative to understand him better, I thought, maybe in fact it wasn't a big deal. Well, he started taking advantage of me being more liberal about it and he started to wanted more than ever, it become a problem so we decided to leave that matter alone and continue being who we were. For personal reasons he had to go back home, which is another state, but he is returning soon, but mean while he admitted to me that he had smoked with his brother at a get together. Of course I was offended, but he said it wouldn't happen again, i had nothing to worry about. He has visited his brother several times and he has assured me that i had nothing to worry about and to please not accuse him of doing anyhing. After a few attemps of asking him to tell me the truth, because i had this bad gut feeling, he admitted that infact he had smoked a few times b/c he was bored. He was sorry that he lied, but it wasn't a big deal and there are worse things a guy can be doing like cheating, and he assures me that would NEVER be the case. You can imagine how betrayed I felt, all the pain I endured. He fed me so much crap to beleive him, and I gave him many chances to come clean but he bluntly lied without remorse. He has tried to justify his action by saying that he didn't want to worry me, he didn't want problems with me. He has lied to me several times in the pass about petty stuff and even though he tells me we are going to have a new start as long as I'm open minded he wouldn't have the need to lie, however, he did again.
You think that would be enough, right? He admit that he had been lying abou another issue as well. He claims they are not a big deal to please not worry about them, to understand, but WHY lieeeee? It's the action of lying that pisses me off, one lie has led to another and I feel like he has slapped me in the face again.
He said now that he came clean and we've talked about it, he is not going to lie anymore and blah blah blah.............deep in my heart i don't beleive him, I think he might mean it for now, but he will get weak again. I know I couldn't lie to him straight in the face over and over if I love him. There is no trust whatsoever and I can't help to feel that he will cheat on me in time b/c he is young and he hasn't been with other woman, so he migh get curios. I feel he is going to LIE his way throught this. I feel like I'm setting myself up to get hurt by sticking with him. I mean, he has lied repeatly about the same issues, which are petty, so imagine the important stuff?
awww help......what should I do????? Should I walke away and get it through my head that this person is deceitful for good?
Edited 5/4/2004 12:19 pm ET ET by babyboomer_46

This man likes smoking and he is going to continue smoking. You've got to either accept being with a man who smokes or not be with him.
This man also would rather lie if he thinks there will be a conflict than to be honest and deal with what happens. This is pretty childish behavior. Kids hide things from authority figures to keep from getting in trouble. Adults own up to their actions. So again, you've got a choice - accept this man's childish behavior or move on.
Is this how you want the rest of your life to be?
Carrie