My Boyfriend Needs Financial Help!!!
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| Tue, 04-10-2007 - 10:14pm |
My boyfriend has pretty significant financial issues. We have been together for 1 1/2 years, and are really serious about each other...but he just does not know how to manage his money, and it is wearing me out just thinking about it. We do not share any bank accounts or hold anything in both our names ( smart thinking on my part!) but his ability to save money and fix his bad credit is just on a ridiculously immature level, ie never attempted. The thing that bugs me the most? I am 24 and am meticulous about my credit... he is 31 and could care less.
In his defense, his credit is a mess as he was in the Army for 4 years (just got out June 2006) and was deployed a total of 4 times. Its not like he sits around and does nothing all day though. He is now enrolled in college (private art school) full time and working just under full time, with National Gaurd one weekend a month. I can understand why fixing his credit may not seem important to him at this time with everything else he has on his plate, but it nevertheless makes me very, very nervous. I hate to admit this, but I have gone through his mail and discovered on more than one occassion that he has negative balances in his checking accounts....and we are talking hundreds of dollars, not a few cents! I know that he also has quite a few collections that he hasnt taken care of in years...in fact his credit score is 560. I have a 750.
I hope that he and I can one day share a future, but he absolutely must learn how to solve his financial problems...as for me, I am absolutley at a loss. I have tried working out savings plans for him, pleading with him to start a savings account, going over his credit report with him, ect.
I need advice...am I being to nosy and should I just hope he will eventually handle this, or should I take action? If so, what action do I take?!!?

<< I need advice...am I being to nosy and should I just hope he will eventually handle this, or should I take action? If so, what action do I take?!!? >>
You sound like a very smart young lady. The BEST thing you have done so far is NOT commingling your finances. It's great that you're trying to educate him on credit issues, a savings plan and such ... however, you (nor anyone) can help someone who doens't want to help himself, kwim? And frankly, it doens't sound like being financial sound is important to him.
As for what action to take ... the only action you CAN take is for yourself ... you'll have a decision to make ... whether its sooner or later ... and that is, can you see yourself aligning with someone who consistently overdraws his accounts and has collections to boot!
Believe me hon, I was with someone who (upon being laid off) let his credit and everything go to hell ... and we lived together. It really sucks having creditors calling at all hours. I tried to help him work out a plan to negotiate with these creditors ... but, he kept just sweeping it under the rug. It was very frustrating ... becuase I knew that with a little effort, he could get these people off his back.
When I bought the house we lived in, he was disappointed that it wasn't going to be "our" house (at that point, we'd been together 3 years) ... but, there was NO WAY I was putting him on the title ... a) we weren't married and b) with his credit, there was NO WAY I was going to share a mortgage loan with him. Nope. In the end, it wasn't finances that caused us to go our seperate ways, but ... I can tell there was also no way I would have gone "all the way" with him ... not with the way he managed money.
You have to ask yourself, if things don't change, are you ok with this "as is" ... is this something you can accept for the long-haul? Hoping it changes is great ... but, hope doesn't make things happen. Action does. And that's 100% up to him.
Thank you for your advice, I was thinking as much myself but need to hear it anyway to bring it home...the hardest part is, we do already live together! I think that for the time being I need to NOT worry about it, since I am already diligent with my own credit and finances, whatever his actions are wont ultimately affect me. If things havent changed in a few years, I will take that as a definite sign that I will either need to move on, or hike up my pants and prepare for quite a long, stressful ride...we shall see!
take care :)
At least you don't have any joint accounts/bills. Make sure you keep it that way. You could suggest that he go to a financial advisor. Credit is so important these days.
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<< If things havent changed in a few years, I will take that as a definite sign that I will either need to move on, or hike up my pants and prepare for quite a long, stressful ride...we shall see!>>
Well, you're still young enough that ... if you're willing to wait a few years to see if he can get it together ... then, that's of course your call. If you're willing to wait it out, without saying later "knowing what I knew, wow ... that was a waste of time!" ... then, more power to ya!
If you were 34 instead of 24, I'd be sayin' "girl, you're crazy for waitin' him out." But, if you want to wait for him to change, you've got time. Just don't hold him responsiblity for your decision.
Of course it's very, very important that a
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Hi there blue,
Couples will fight over sex, kids and money.
Clearly the two of you do not see eye-to-eye about money (and finances). This indicates to me that the two of you may not be a good match.
In the mean time, its his money and his business. Stay out.
If he needs help, he can find it in any number of places. For example, there's a radio show by Dave Ramsey, its on every day. And the short version is pay your bills, stop running up debt, pay off the debt you have, and save.