my boyfriend needs to understand

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
my boyfriend needs to understand
1
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 8:02pm
I met my boyfriend not long after I started my new job las august. He had a girlfriend at the time but broke up to be with me. I was a month pregnant with someone elses baby. Right away we started staying at his parents house and have been living together ever since. At the beginning he was really nice and sweet and caring and helped me out a lot with things I couldnt do around the house or at work, Well once we got our own place in January hes changed around completely, He became a control freak and he doesnt want to help me do anything. He has a daughter thats a yr old and he expects me to be her new mom which i dont mind but I feel he needs to help me out in some aspects such as changing diapers and feeding and such, I had my daughter in February and it was a really easy labor, and i was on feet within a couple of days. I guess my mistake was doing chores around the house right away (like the 12 loads of laundry that had piled up over the month) 3 days after I got out of the hospital. I was feelin great, but now Im worn out from all the stress of two kids and all the cleaning I have to do. Im tired all the time and dont feel like doing anything and he doesnt understand. Im only 19 yrs old raising to kids and a house is a lot of work to handle. He doesnt feel he should have to dothe dishes because He does them all night at work. I also work Friday and Saturday nights with him and he is the shift runner ( person in charge) for third shift (10-7) HE is harder on me than any of the other employees and he doesnt see this but everyone else does. He keeps tellin me to get off of his shift or get out of his life but I cant because i dont drive and he is my ride so its convienent otherwise he wont get the sleep he needs. I only work because I want to and to help out with the bills and things since we are not married and my daughter costs a lot of money for diapers and things so I dont want him to think im using him. But he keeps telling me I need to get a new job, I dont want to get a new job. HE also has been looking for a dayshift job so he can get off of thirds so why should I quit when hes leaving the place anyway? HE also has a very short temperrr, I say or do about a million things wrong every day, we fight every time I have to wake him for work because hes hard to get up and i have to aggravate him to get him up (tweak his nipples or tickle his armpits) because making him angry is the easiest and quickest way to get him up. He doesnt ever want to talk about things after we fight but I kinda have that problem also, but when I try to bring topics up he just kinda ignores me. I feel like im not appreciated and that he doesnt love me anymore. But I know he does because everynow and then he will say the sweetest things but not often enough. What can I do to save our relationship because hes the one I want to be with for the rest of my life and if something isnt done, I will be without him and I dont know if I can handle that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 8:27pm
Given how you treat each other why be with someone like that - is he a good role model for your children? You got together under bizarre circumstances - full of deceit and deception and you moved too fast. My advice - break up, move out (your child should not be around a man who is not her father and not married to her mother), find affordable day care and get yourself a college education at night - that will do wonders for your (non-existent) self esteem. You are not a good role model for your child right now, but you can be if you choose to be..