My boyfriend thinks he is always right..

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
My boyfriend thinks he is always right..
6
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 5:51pm
My boyfriend and I have the worst communication because he always thinks he is right. Okay so everyone is probably like, "A guy always thinking he is right? What else is new?" But this is really taking its toll on our relationship because when I try to express my feelings, he makes me feel wrong for feeling them.

For example, when I try to express my side of an argument, everything I bring up is wrong and I am wrong for feeling that way or there is absolutely no validity in what I say. He makes me feel like everything I say is ridiculous.

And when I try to point things out, he has this arrogance about him like he could absolutely do no wrong. I am really getting tired of it because the bottom line is that I can't express myself. It's getting to the point where I don't even want to communicate because it is wasted energy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 8:06pm
Why are you with him? No, not all men are like this - not even most - it is not a guy thing, just a jerky thing. Do you want to have your future children see him treat you like this? Would he dare treat his co-workers like this? His mother?
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 9:29pm
The basis of all good relationships is two people sharing, listening and respecting one another's feelings and communications. A realtionship is not one way. It can't be. If your boyfriend can't give you the respect you deserve for your thoughts and feelings, if he can't relate to them, and create an enviornment in which you can express yourself freely, feel safe, understood and loved, then he is not the one for you. He is not yet mature enough to understand what it means to love someone and to create a relationship which is healthy to be in. Right now, the relationship you describe is toxic and negative for you. If he isn't able to understand how to be together in a positive, loving way, there is really no point of staying with him.

Best wishes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 9:29pm
It isn't a guy thing to not allow you to have a voice in your relationship and it is not the type of relationship that will endure without exacting an emotional price from you.

There are some relationships that are not long term relationships and this sounds like one. This is the time when you get to know one another, how he makes you feel, you learn about him and learn about yourself. Sounds like this just isn't right for you.

It also doesn't sound like there is room for you in a relationship with him. You deserve more.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 10:53pm
There is no way I could be with someone who told me that my feelings were wrong or that my opinions stunk. I know the type though, and I dated a guy who tried to do that for a little bit, but I just couldn't handle it and had to get out. I'm sorry but feelings aren't right or wrong...they just are. For someone to tell me that my feelings and opinions didn't matter, it's obvious that they really don't care about me, and they have no respect for who I am. Doesn't make sense to me why a man would want to be with someone he so outwardly couldn't stand and didn't agree with. Huge ego trip, and this guy has little self esteem. I say get out, and tell him to find someone that he can dominate and put down.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 10:56am
Your boyfriend sounds like the WORST kind of man to be in a relationship with. To stifle your right to express yourself borders on a kind of emotional abuse because what he's really telling you is that you aren't worthy of the right to an opinion.

There's no partnership here, just a man wanting his woman to do as he says and not as he does, whereas, one would have to presume that you'd like a bit of equality in your relationship? You ain't gonna get it from this loser.

Be glad there's no committment here and do yourself a favor and dump this guy, because nothing will change who he is and if this is what you've seen already, there will only be worse to come.

Peace & Love, Pebbles xox

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2005
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 2:45pm
Communication is one of the most difficult aspects of a relationship. Remember that you and your b/f are two different people. You think differently, you act differently and you talk differently. But, good communications is vital to the success of a relationship. Without it, feelings go unheard, ideas unnoticed and it creates an imbalance where one of the partners becomes resentful of the other. It sounds like this is the dynamic at play here....

Just a thought here, but it almost seems as though your b/f isn't as concerned with being right as making you feel as though you are wrong. There are people in this world who have to make someone else feel bad in order to feel good about themselves.

You are not wrong for your feelings, you are not wrong for your thoughts and you are not wrong for expressing them - they are YOURS. You have the freedom to express....

Now, this is one of the biggest problems in a relationship - when one partner tries to take the other's freedoms away. This is usally done by control and manipulation and I would invite you to think of this as being abusive. It is emotional abuse, mental abuse and usually involves verbal abuse.

The fact of the matter is, you don't deserve it. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect and the right partner for you will do just that. All too often we don't realize that our partner is the wrong one until we are deeply involved with them. It is your life - you decide who is right for you. Don't dwell on this, don't agonize over it - it will do nothing more than make you unhappy and miserable which will add to stress and illness. Just decide what is right for you and then stand tall and go for what you want and what is right.

Terry

(by the way - it is not necessarily a "guy" thing - I have had women in my life who were like that.....)