My boyfriend's big lie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2008
My boyfriend's big lie
6
Sun, 01-29-2012 - 12:50am

I really need some advice, I hope someone can help me out, please...I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years. He's a big part of my daughter's (from a previous relationship) life, we have so many good memories, our lives are just so intertwined. But he's been really miserable and angry a lot, and it's hard on me...he gets mad seemingly for no reason, and just doesn't always put in as much of an effort as he should if he really sees his future with me.

I found out that he's actually lied to me about something quite big. He told me he was taking a certain program in school, made up all sorts of details about it, and I found out on my own that it wasn't the case--3 years later. He didn't get in, and was too full of pride to admit it to me. I don't know how I could ever trust him again. How can you keep up such a big lie with someone who is supposed to be your partner?

I realize now he's been depressed over not getting into the program and feeling like he doesn't know where his life is headed, and my thought is I need to let him go and figure out what he wants. It seems the added pressure of a serious relationship is making him miserable, even if unintentionally. But I want to know, do you think you can figure out things like this as a couple, or is it really best to know yourself and what you want out of life before you start to plan your life with someone else?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 01-29-2012 - 1:40am

Hi Keli, I think a little too much of your future is hinged on what your bf may or may not do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sun, 01-29-2012 - 12:11pm

Ditto everything TrueBlue said!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2008
Sun, 01-29-2012 - 2:41pm

Thanks to both of you for taking the time to respond. It helps to have an opinion from those who just know the facts, instead of knowing us personally. You're so right though, it does scare me to think he could keep this lie going for 3 years.

He was in school, I know that much, just not taking the program he told me he was taking. He didn't get in and was too ashamed to admit it. But the extent he went to to cover up that lie is ridiculous. He's even told this lie to his friends, even his family--no one knows the truth except for me, and that is because I had my suspicions and decided to do a little digging.

I'm just hurt, because I really thought we were partners who shared everything, including a future together. It really hurts to think of not having him around anymore, and to think of him spending his life with someone else. He swears this is the only thing he's lied about (not that it is a small lie by any means) but how am I to believe him, anyway. I hate feeling this way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 01-29-2012 - 3:40pm

>>

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2008
Mon, 01-30-2012 - 3:18pm

Thanks. You're so right again. I wish I could tell my heart to follow what my head is thinking, right now I've just been avoiding him while I get my thoughts straight. I do love this man, and the life we had. I've never felt this way about anyone before--even after this long, the chemistry is still amazing. I've been with other guys before him and physically, emotionally, it hasn't even been on the same level. I'm scared I won't find that again. So torn about all of this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Mon, 01-30-2012 - 3:33pm

When he comes clean about this with his friends and family (which I'm assuming he'll do now - to make things right), can you talk to someone about his history?