My boyfriend's friend.........

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
My boyfriend's friend.........
7
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 11:31am
Please help meeeeeeeeeeee

i get the feeling that my boyfriend's best friend (V.B) is trying to break us up...V.B. acts like he is my friend and calls to go out and stuff and everytime we do go out he always opens a conversation on how me and my boyfriend should be in our relationship. For some weird reason this guy loves to play the relationship expert and the irony is that he's never had a serious relationship. He makes up stories that knows will p*ss me off and always tries to make me and my boyfriend have an argument. I don't want to tell my b/f to stop hanging out with him but i don't like it when they hang out. I believe that V.B is kinda jealous that my b/f is not "single" anymore and i think he feels like i took his friend away from him. I talked to my boyfriend about it and he feels like he has to choose...I don't want him to choose...I just want his friend to stop interfering in our relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 11:42am
Have you asked your boyfriend to not discuss your relationship with his friend? I agree, you shouldn't ask him to choose and he shouldn't have to choose. But by choosing both of you he can still set up some boundaries. I would say to him that you would never want him to not be friends with this guy but would he consider not having those relationship discussions with him because your relationship is between you and your boyfriend. Plus, those conversations are creating some problems. Same goes for you - you can politely tell your boyfriends friend that although you appreciate his "advice" or whatever he thinks it is, you would prefer not to discuss your boyfriend and your relationship with him. See if that helps the situation out at all. As far as the friend feeling jealous - I am sure you are right. Give it some time. Do you have any friends that might like to date this guy? Maybe you could go out on double dates and the friend will focus on his date instead of digging into your relationship. Just a thought!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 12:09pm
Hehe..I've tried introducing this guy to almost every girl i know...but for some "strange" reason no one likes him..i think that may be also the reason why he is so "addicted" to my boyfriend..No one else likes him...This guy is immature, obnoxious and egomaniac...one day we went out, me, my b/f, 3 of my closest g/fs and this guy...no one else talked...i tried talking about things that everybody could about but this guy would always turn the conversations and start talking about him and how much money he has and how he has girls after him all the time and all that...i am having a hard time keeping my mouth shut...While he was talking i kept thinking to my self "WE DON'T CARE!!SHUT UP!!" and when we discussed about it with my friends they all agreed...About my b/f not talking to him about us...i've had that talk with my b/f recently...but i don't know what to say..
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 12:28pm
Af far as what to say to your boyfriend...I would just say that it makes you uncomfortable when he talks to his friend about your relationship and ask him if he wouldn't mind keeping that topic out of that friendship. If it makes him feel better, you can agree not to discuss such things with your friends, for the sake of both of you doing the same thing. I mean, I know it is hard not to discuss with girlfriends but if it would mean this stupid friend butting out, I think it would be worth it. Just make sure he knows you are not asking him to not be friends with this guy but you think that your relationship would be better if he didn't discuss with this particular friend and your friendship with this guy might be better if he doesn't. While that may not be true, your boyfriend might appreciate that. Just some thoughts!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 12:35pm
Hi,

Have you considered that this guy might have a thing for you? When I read your post I immediately thought that. He calls to hang out with you and tells you things that will upset you about your boyfriend so maybe you will break it off. While I don't think he is being any type of friend to him to do that behind his back; I honestly think his actions speak of jealousy that your boyfriend has you and not he. I could be wrong, not the first time, but isn't it possible?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 12:45pm
It's funny because when I read the message, I thought, could it be possible that this guy has a thing for your boyfriend? :) So, anyway, just thought I would share that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 1:04pm
Junipuni,

Good point....You could be right! I keep forgetting about the same sex attractions. It could go both ways, he could want her or him but nevertheless, he wants to break the relationship up because he has vested interest in some form to benefit himself. Lucy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 3:54pm
Your bf might have to learn the hard way.... years ago, a relationship long ago, my then bf had a friend that I thought was jealous of our relationship, would talk crap about us being together etc. I didn't like it when they went out either, but I figured there wasn't much I could do about it. Then one night my bf called me from a bar and told me, you know, I think you are right about S, he is jealous of you. We've been talking, etc. Anyway, my bf learned to keep his mouth shut about our relationship and if S brought it up, he'd tell him, it's not open for discussion.


Carrie