My boyfriends friends love strippers

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
My boyfriends friends love strippers
14
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 11:02am
I am generally a really cool girlfriend, not keeping a tight leash and all, but there is one thing that makes me so mad I feel like I can suddenly become a crazy person when this is mentioned. My boyfriend has a group of about 10 single friends and every now and again they get a private stripper. Now, I don't mind him ever going to a strip CLUB, he hasn't gone to one since I have been dating him (a year), except when we went with a group of people late, after we left a bar, but he's been to two parties in a year where they have a girl come to someone's house and they do bad things to her. He's so honest and I trust him, because he shows me the pictures they take and tells me all the dirty details - and he never gets near her - but it INFURIATES ME!!! Why are his friends so dirty that they do really gross things to these girls and all stand around watching and such - its so gross!!! I don't understand why he goes but he says its to hang out with his friends and that he finds it funny. I tell him how much it bothers me, and he says he won't go next time, but I don't want to tell him he can't do something. Does anyone understand my problem??

 

Tiffany

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2003
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 5:20pm
Male here, confirming that not all men enjoy strip clubs or go to them. A waste of time and money if you ask me (especially when you have the real thing waiting for you at home). :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 5:44pm
You are rationalizing this. Besides, it doesn't matter what other boyfriends do. yours is doing something you don't want him do. And he can take pictures of whatever h e wants and also avoid pictures of what he doesn't want you to see.

Do you trust him outside of these strip clubs? Do you think his friends reflect who he is?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Mon, 02-23-2004 - 9:59am
Wow, I was busy all weekend and didn't see all these responses till this morning: But I understand everyone getting very defensive if they think someone is being blind to something because they only want to see what is good, but this was my first posting and I had expected a wide range of opinions but never one so scathing as to say my boyfriend has no respect for me and why would you blame him because I must not either. Take any bitterness from any such an experience you may have had out on the person who caused you it, try to be more objective and intelligent in your expressing your opinion - because we ARE allowed to have any opinion we want.

But back to the actual debate. The last couple of postings were definitely right, there ARE guys who WOULD prefer to spend money and time with their buddies doing other more creative activities, my boyfriend went to ONE for one of his less-than-classy buddies, and he didn't actually take the pictures, this buddy sent them out to the 30 guys who came, drank and watched this porno of a terrible party. We spoke this weekend and he understands why I wouldn't want him to go and so he said no bachelor parties where there are strippers. He's a good one, it was the one I dated for six years that lied and cheated on me, and I'm just not used to a guy being so honest about what goes on. I do feel a lot better, I was starting to think I was the only one who didn't turn a blind eye and to hear guys say it isn't, really helps. Thanks.

 

Tiffany

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-23-2004 - 11:24am

Yes, of course, it is quite understandable that you would not want your boyfriend to be in a sexually explicit situation, where there is a stripper and his friends are involved with her in front of him. Even though he does not actually participate, he has some involvement by watching. It is perfectly fair for you to request that he not attend these parties. He can be with his friends under differnt situations, but if this disturbs you so, out of respect and consideration for you and the relationship, it is appropriate for him to stay away. Although the two of you are not actually married, you are in a committed relationship for a year and so he is not actually "single". These are choices one makes, when one has a relationship that one values.


Take good care,

Pages