My dad is Al Capone!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2004
My dad is Al Capone!!
4
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 6:26pm
Hi!

OK, here's the deal. I am an international student studying here in the US. In the past coupple of years I have been on and off with this guy, but recently we have started to be pretty committed. I am really close to my family and so every time I called home I would speak about him, how we weren't really together, how he wasn't sure about the relationship, etc, and so apparently my dad hates my boyfriend because of all the headaches he has caused me (I was sure I wanted to be serious with him, but he just wasn't). The problem is that my dad is really hard to change his opinion about someone once he has created it. He is coming to the states in a couple of weeks (busisness related)and I really wanted him to meet my boyfriend, but now I am scared that it wont be such a great idea, as my dad can be really rude and cruel. I wouldn't have a problem if it was unexpensive and easy to travel home (that way my boyfriend could meet my family anyother time)but this would be a great occasion for him to meet my dad. I am very frustrated as what to do as I cannot even talk with my dad on the phone about him (he pretends he hasn't heard me and changes the subject). What should I do?? My boyfriend has already invited me for thanksgiving to meet his family and I would love if he could meet mine as well pretty soon.

I need help!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 6:39pm
This is why you never tell your family members, especially parents, about personal aspects of your relationship. Because you may be upset for a minute, but parents do not forgive and forget. You can't tell your dad how upset you are and then expect him to just forget about it. Vent to your gf or on this message board, people who have no real emotional ties to you. That way you get objective opinions and there's no worries about hard feelings later. Anyway, now that you've done this, I think you should warn your bf that you've discussed your relationship with your dad and that dad isn't really thrilled about him becasue of what he's heard. Then let your bf decide if he wants to met your dad. It wouldn't be fair to just throw your bf to the wolves without any warning.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 7:05pm
I agree with issuesongoing and would add, be straight with your dad too - that's part of growing up and asserting yourself as an adult. When he changes the subject - call him on it. Dad, I realize you love me and want to protect me from getting hurt, when I spoke to you about my situation, it was because I needed to vent. I realize now that that was unfair to both you and my bf. I'm the one in the relationship and I have to do what's right for me. I'd love to have your continuing support, but if you are unable to give it, I understand. But please realize that means I will also share less with you.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 1:21am
Doggone it, itwinflame did it again; took the words right out of my head. Yes, you need to explain to your dad that you were just complaining about silly things that were resolved the next day. It would'nt hurt to let your boyfriend know that your dad is very protective of you and may put him through the ringer. Dad loves you alot. Then give him the choice of ducking you dad or facing the inquisition. Remember you will always be dads baby and he'll leap to your defense unless you show him that you can handle life yourself. Vent to the cat...or us.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 1:59am
Hi,

I think your Dad is just playing his role. I suggest you keep things to yourself and tell someone else only when you need real help or some advice.

take things cool at the moment and just live each day as it comes.Remember this too will pass