My DH said he doesn't respect me..
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| Mon, 01-28-2008 - 10:22am |
Dear Dr. Shoshana,
I am a stay-at-home mother of 2 who babysits to bring in a little extra income. My dh asked me to find a part-time job to bring in more money so that when it comes time to re-finance our house that I show an income. I have no problem finding a job and have been looking the last 2 weeks and have had some callbacks but nothing has worked out yet concerning hours, etc. I applied to some full-time jobs just to see what would happen and this made my dh decide that I SHOULD go back to work full-time. We had agreed that I would stay home with the kids until my youngest starts 1st grade which is still 4.5 yrs away. When I reminded him of this he was angry and has been treating me rudely ever since. Then this weekend, he told me that he has no respect for me because I have no ambitions in life or passion for anything. He only respects me as a mother. I really have no idea how to process this. I feel I struggle on a daily basis trying to find the motivation to go to the gym, clean the bathrooms, make dinner (i hate cooking) etc. I have in the past(before kids) been very motivated. I competed in triathlons, fitness competitions and worked as a GM at a World Gym. I can't tell you how disheartened I feel to have my dh say he doesn't respect me. I feel so betrayed and hurt, my first gut reaction was to take my kids and leave. I didn't. But I feel like our marriage just fell apart. I don't know if I am over-reacting or not. It seems he wants to shame me into doing what he wants me to do. He did this after my son was born regarding my extra-weight. Things had seemed to be going so much better between us until this and now I just feel so deflated. All that keeps replaying in my head is "my husband had no respect for me"

Welcome to the board laguna22,
I think you need to ask your husband to go to marriage counseling with you. A marriage can't work when both parties don't respect each other. I think since he already learned once that he can shame you into things that he is just going to keep trying that route first.
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Welcome to the board laguna22,
I agree with Coltara's advice.
girlfriend of mine just suggested the 5 languages of love yesterday too so I'll definitely be getting that. Thank you for your time!