My End (Husband Taken by a Suicidal Girl)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2008
My End (Husband Taken by a Suicidal Girl)
3
Sat, 11-19-2011 - 4:49pm

My 3 years of marriage has fallen apart. It is a long story to tell but this is the recaps of what went down.

My husband has found another girl [who is much younger than I and is unstable, emotionally and mentally] and he is completely smiting with her. He is willing to do anything for this girl that he only known for a couple of weeks.

I blame him for emotionally cheating on me and that they are the cause for my marriage to end. He blames me that it was I who made our marriage fall apart for years. He said many times to me during our current separation I had made him so unhappy and that I hurt him so much he can't even stand being in a relationship with me anymore.

That is one thing I do not understand from him at all. I thought we were happy. Yes, there were spats here and there, and every time I thought we were in a difficult situation I suggested marriage counseling. He refused every time. He told me he gave me chances to fix our marriage, that it was I who has to change and not him.

So yes, he found the another girl. This girl who is young, in college, needy, flirtatious and more than once suicidal, begging only him to save her. She does not care that she ended my marriage. Also there is another guy [who is currently deployed] she likes since high school and is also highly smiting with her. This guy wants her to wait for him when he returns the end of this year, just like my husband wants her to wait for him when the marriage ends.

However, it has been clear to my husband that she has been playing games with him. He hates it when anyone plays games with him. He is pissed that she is, but still wants to end our marriage to be with her. Because he can't stand being with me anymore, but he and I do have a great time just as friends. We laugh, we joke as if our relationship was great again.

He is very confused still. He told me that I am not part of his confusion at all. Yet, when we hangout alone and with friends we flirt and he stares at me. Not like a glance but stares at me with interest, happiness and guilt. I asked why is he looking at me. He made the excuse that I was in the same room, but later told me “I am still confused.” That I also do not understand. How can he be confused about me if he no longer wants to be with me anymore?

It is told by my closest friends, his friends, his family and mine that my husband has been emotionally and verbally abusing me. He is controlling me even to this day according to everyone else. He told me this “it is okay for you to like me. It is okay if you want me back, but need to move on. I cannot be with you anymore.”

Yes, there are some points I would love to be with him again, but there are moments I do not. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I would like to be his friend for now on, like we were before we got married. He wants space away from me, but I have a hard time to back away. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to move on from this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 9:19pm

"Also there is another guy [who is currently deployed] she likes since high school and is also highly smiting with her. This guy wants her to wait for him when he returns the end of this year, just like my husband wants her to wait for him when the marriage ends."

It seems to me that this is what he's "confused" about. He's waiting for this girl to make her decision about who to be with.

I'm sure your husband will miss your friendship, and you will miss his, but he has made his choice and now you should be the one to contact a divorce attorney and start moving on. A marriage shouldn't be this way after only three years. If he is cheating and wants to be in a relationship with someone else already, is not really remorseful and says he can't stand being with you anymore, your relationship is over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sun, 11-20-2011 - 12:13am

First of all, your husband wasn't "taken" by anyone!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011
Sat, 11-19-2011 - 6:59pm

It sounds to me as if you need to get into some counseling. He has left you for someone else has told you he does not want you and wants someone else. But yet you are still hanging around and offering up friendship. It is never easy to accept that someone that you still want and love does not want you. But at some point