My ex has me even more confused?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
My ex has me even more confused?
11
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 5:37pm
Help!! I had been with my husband for 4 years when we broke up, married for about 2 of those years. We have 3 children together and the last one we had while we were seperated. She is almost 3 years old.

He has confused me more and more these past 4 years I am not sure what to do. I need some advice. He and I have been seperated for over 4 these past years. I had made an attempt to file for divorce several times but could not go though with it each time. He says he is going to file, but does not have any money for it. Whatever!!! Anyhow, we have been friends for the past 3 years of our seperation, considering it was an awful breakup in the beginning. We talked occassionaly, he called to check on the kids, and such. My big problem is he and I were still seeing each other on a sexual level after the break-up, it was convenient we werent seeing anyone during this time so we decided ok, but that it would not go past the sexual level. Anyway he took the kids on a vacation with his family 2 years ago, and we were still seeing each other, the next Thursday they returned we had a quckie and the Sunday when the kids returned from the weekend with him they told me that Dad had a girlfriend. After I fell on the floor I asked calmly what do you mean? They told me that they had spent the entire weekend with her and spent the night at her house. I fell off the couch again and when I picked up my jaw from the floor I immediately called him. To my amazement he said that he told me about her and that he could not believe that I was making a big deal about the situation. I gasped and blew my lid. I went a little further than probably was needed, but I was angry, not only because we had seen each other the week before, but that he had taken my kids to a womans house that I didnt even know. We were okay after about a year and a half after we split up, talking and just being friends. He approached me about 2 and a half years ago (while he was with her) to have sex again, I didnt want to I knew what would happen, I would get emotionally attached again. He made a decision to move to another town about a year ago for a better job, so he is not in the same town anymore. This is the reason his girlfriend and he decided to call it quits. I have attempted to send him letters about how emotionally draining this was for me, but for some reason I never send it. I attempted to reconcile be he said that it was better for him to be alone, and that he could do better than me!! I cried for weeks after that conversation and told my self that never again would I allow him to say that to me again. We didnt talk for a while after that conversation. Well to make a long story short, we have been talking since he moved away sometimes 3 or 4 times a week. He loves to have phone sex, and I dont mind since I am not seeing anyone now. So things have picked up again, when he comes to visit he stays at my house. The sex is great better that when we were married. He still calls and wants to have phone sex, and well I give in. I want to stop this emotional rollercoaster with him, but how do I do it? I need some advice? I still love him and maybe I think not saying no will keep him close. He has another girlfriend where he lives now and is planning on bringing her this Labor Day... Im not sure Im prepared for this again. Can someone please help me!!!! I need to know what he is doing, does he just want to play house when he comes or is he just using me for something?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 12:46pm
I will do thanks..

God Bless

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