my ex won't speak to me

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
my ex won't speak to me
2
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 12:31pm
Just a little history. We have been divorced for 5 years now and have remained friends due to the children we have. I wouldn't say the best of friends, but friends. If I needed advice or there was a special occasion with the children or holidays we were always together. He only lives 7 mins. from my house and I ahve always keep the door open for him to see the kids anytime. It has be a ritual for him to have breakfast at the house morning with the kids. He still does, but he waits till I leave for work before coming over. He just recently got remarried which came as a shock to me because he didn't even tell me about her. Also, she was the woman he was with before me. I told him I was happy for him but I was hurt and still am that he didn't tell me about her. I found out through the kids. Ages now 17 & 18. Long story short, he will not talk to me anymore about anything. If I have a question about the kids or college that is now coming up and I need to call, he will not answere the phone nor will he return my call. He told me that his new wife does not want to have anything to do with me and I think she is the reason we can't communicate anymore. It is driving me crazy. If we do attend functions for the kids, he refuses to even acknowlege me. It hurts and makes things very uncomortable for me and the kids. We have graduation coming up and I want so much to share that as a family with him as I have everything else since our divorce. We couldn't even share the excitment of the college acceptance letter for our son. I do not understand how he can act this way. It is not like him to be this way. I need help to figure out a way to communicate with him. His mother now treats me the same way and we were close for 19 years. I hurt so bad and miss the family relationship that I worked so hard to keep open.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 2:03pm
It is very sad that everyone can't be 'adults' in this situation. He's doing what he has to do to make his marriage workable. His mother is following suit.

Keep your pain and hurt to yourself, but consider writing him a letter asking about a meeting with both him and his new wife to discuss college. Another way is maybe to have a conversation with her about the questions you have and ask her to get back to you with the answers.

Sorry you have to go through this.


Carrie

Avatar for heatherjohnst
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 11:02pm
The impression I got from your post is that you are not emotionally over your ex. Going on my "impression" here is what I think.........He is doing the right thing by keeping away. Why , you ask ? Because from what I read , the boundaries (Or lack thereof) were very blurred. Breakfast with all of you EVERY MORNING !! If he still sees the kids , then what's the problem ? I think because he comes AFTER you leave , it's driving you nuts your missing that "Family atmosphere". Also, not being able to open college acceptance letters TOGETHER and celebrate as a FAMILY ! YOUR NOT A FAMILY ANYMORE !! I'm only being harsh because judging by your post you don't get that. Does he fufill his obligation to his children ? Is he there for them ? (Re: NOT YOU! THEM) If so , then he's done nothing wrong. He's married now. His new wife is uncomfortable with this "Family atmosphere" you keep trying to recreate. Who wouldn't be ? I'd be livid ! Being married to HER means he can't keep playing house with you. You can blame her all you want.......but it's not like she's holding a gun to his head to keep him from talking to you. So , he's made this choice of his own free will. Respect his choice. Move on with your life.

Heather