my fault?...want him to know i changed

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2004
my fault?...want him to know i changed
1
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 11:37am
Okay i'll try to keep this short. I was dating this guy for a couple months and of course things were good. We both wanted a relationship and things moved really fast, we knew we liked eachother. Then of course things changed, he was realizing he needs to grow up, i wanted more attention, and then he got scared i could be preg. So he said he wasn't ready for a relationship after all (basically with me i guess). But he never really went away, i could deal with it but he kept calling and when i was sick he went to the doctor with me. He offers to help with anything i need, i'm new to our part of town and have a car but don't know how to get anywhere, and he had been driving me around.

Anyways so i've been thinking that part of the reason he left was my fault. I wanted a relationship because there were things i was looking to get out of it. Now i realize that it's got to go back to the fact that we just like being around eachother, not what i can and can't get out of it. I also have to stop thinking about what could happen in the future and live in the moment.I feel like its a big step for me to step back and look at things this open minded.

So i know i want to call him this weekend after our spring break starts, but i don't want to get into a talk about us i just want him to see that i've kinda grown up (he's five years older than me). I think we need to be better friends first but in the mean time i don't want him to start dating someone else. I don't know if there is anything i should say or do. Or should i tell him that i realize this stuff, we've talked about my weird views on relationships before (since we've stopped dating) and i feel like he's feeling me out before anything can change.

If anyone can give me any advice i'd really appricate it. Thanks

-jae

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 11:58am

I think that in the short time you were dating him, alot of scary things happen that people who are married cant often handle.(i.e unplanned pregnancy, or a scare of one.) You need to take some time away and find yourself. Im not sure how long you have been broken up, but you cant grow up overnight..it takes time. Maturity comes with knowing who you are, what you want..and finding someone to support you through allof this. You cant possibly be part of a couple untill you know how to be independant.


Take things one day at a time.. get to know some people there,make friends...then see how you feel about things..


Best Wishes,