my forever love ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2007
my forever love ex
13
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 9:14pm

Ok backround. My ex and I were deeply, passionately, and hopelessly in love. In the begining of our relationship he stopped by my place and found that I was there with the man I had been seeing before him. I was telling that man how I had fallen in love and couldn't see him anymore. My ex assumed we were fooling around and never really trusted me. I was innocent (foolish perhaps but innocent all the same) We dated for a year anyway. He moved in. We took his 5 year old daughter on weekends. We were a very happily family, cept for when jealousy reared it's ugly head. And was it ugly. One day he came home and told me he couldn't do it anymore. He'd already started dating someone else. Apparently it was him that was the cheater. We never really even had a fight, it was just suddenly over. I am devastated. i loose 30 pounds (from not eating) and move to Puerto Rico. I get my head straight.

Now. It's two years later. He's still with that same girl, but has been calling me the whole time telling me how much he loves me and misses me. I only know about her because of her myspace page. He never admits about still being with her until the other night, when he tells me he misses me and thinks of me all the time and that he's grown and he sees how foolish he acted with me, then tells me he's still with her, but feels like a zombie, just going through the motions of their relationship.

Although I've healed and finally learned to put both myself and God before any man, I still can't help but feel insanely in love with him. I know he still loves me to. It's in his voice. I know I've had time to think things through but he's still clouded by not taking time to even breathe between myself and her. He's talking about coming to visit me in the fall, we still have so much to talk about.

Help!!!! I can think of no other man but him. I miss his daughter like crazy. She always asks about me. i want my happy family back. Am i crazy? What do I do? The heart wants what it wants.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 9:48pm
If he loves and misses you then why is he dating someone else?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2007
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 10:19pm
I agree. I'm sure she wouldn't like to hear his feelings on the topic of me.
Also, I live in puerto rico, he's still in new york. I left right after we broke up, and he's been slummin with her ever since. Why is he still with her? Perhaps he lacks the courage to stand alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 10:26pm

>>One day he came home and told me he couldn't do it anymore. He'd already started dating someone else. Apparently it was him that was the cheater. <<

He was cheating on you... now he is in a relationship with someone else and trying to cheat with you. Doesn't say much about his moral character.

That should be all you need to realize he hasn't changed. If he does lack the courage to stand alone do you actually want someone like that in your life? If so, WHY?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2007
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 11:05pm
I didn't get the impression that he wanted to cheat, more that he was second guessing his choice. I agree he does have issues and I don't want a man that is weak in that way. I guess I'm wondering what he's doing? He knows to come visit me he would have to be single. I'm very against dating a man that is with another woman.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 1:10am

Welcome justiciamaria,


Even if he is second guessing himself, it doesn't change that he's with someone else by choice, zombie or not and could have been out of that relationship at anytime - know he has been where he wants to be and with her because he chooses to be with her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2008
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 3:28am
I could not have said it better myself! Are you a counselor or something? This is not a guy who doesn't know what he wants this is a impulsive, self centered, and manipulative lil' prick. I bet if you call his girlfriend she doesn't know that things are so bad. My advise is to stay away from him. No phone calls, emails, nada! Give yourself time to heal, and meet another guy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 10:45am

It is cheating, if not physically yet then

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2007
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 1:39pm

Thank you all so much for replying. It helps so much to see the points of perspective not visible from the inside.

I understand the whole cheating/betrayal aspect of this breakup. It's really on the side of unforgiveable. But...sometimes forgiveness opens doors that allow us to feel closure, at least within ourselves. I would never let him cheat on that woman with me. I'm not the type of person that can handle that. I cannot be with a man that is with another woman. If there is a chance for another "us" it would have to be clean. I'm not moving back to New York yet, and he's not moving to Puerto Rico anytime soon. AND he needs therepy. He knows it. Many of his issues center around his mother who was addicted to crack. His issues of trust stem from that. I also know there were many times that we were truly happy together.

What I wonder is, with all the intricacies that life contains, can two people that love each other come back together?

Is it foolish to want to forgive?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 2:45pm

I don't think it is foolish to forgive AND remember.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2008
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 2:48pm

no, dear, it's not foolish to want to forgive.


especially when, like you, you are still in love with the person you want to forgive.




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