My girlfriends family wont accept me

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
My girlfriends family wont accept me
9
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 5:52am

Hi, my girlfriend and i have been with for just over a year we are living together and have a strong relationship, the problem is we both belive in old fashion views to need the womans farthers permision to get engaged, but unfortunatly her family have some sort of problem with me and i've got no chance on getting blessing from her dad, we both would like to get married and we just dont know what to do.

please help
Matthew

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2007
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 10:44am
I'm confused. You say you have old fashioned views yet you live together before marriage? You don't see the lack of logic in your statement? If you are liberal enough to do that then why do you need her father's "permission" to marry?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 11:31am

Welcome to the board Matthew,


Do either of you know why her family doesn't like you?


I also agree with the previous poster. You say you are old fashioned, but if you are okay with living together before marriage, than having her fathers permission shouldn't be that big of a deal.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 12:46pm

Welcome to the board twiggy198719,


What kinds of things are you trying to do to mend the relationship with her family?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 12:56pm
Matthew, how old are you and your girlfriend? How are the two of you supporting yourselves? What are your plans for the future, beyond getting married?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 3:40pm

hi

thanks for your replys but its not that we are old fasioned in respect to the whole relationship stages its the fact that we both want the same things in the terms to the stepsto getting married we both belive that if we follow tradition it will show how serious we are,

the prblem is i have not long ago lost my job due to medical reasons and the dont like the fact that i cant support there daughter, the other problem is that we live in england where as her parents have just moved to spain and i cant do a lot to win the respect back from them,

i used to get along with them untill i became unemployed...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2007
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 5:02pm
Are you sure they really don't like you or are just a little scared/apprehensive because of the unemployment situation? It would be understandable for a parent to be concerned but to actually dislike you because you lost a job due to medical issues is weird.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 5:37pm
i dont really know they wont speak to me all they do is have a moan about me to my partner i have basically been told that i will not get there blessing
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 5:40pm

Do you think if/when you get another job their view of you will change?


If not, you have to decide how important having their blessing is to you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 6:44pm

It's lovely that you have strong values and care about receiving the blessing of her father, however, you have every right to know what kind of problem he has with you. It's quite possible that this problem is his, and has nothing to do with you. Unless he discusses this with you and you all try to work it out, then there is a lack of fairness in this situation. In that case, if he is unfair, or just dealing with his own personal problem, you do not have to wait and hope for a blessing from him. Ideally, it is lovely to receive this blessings, but realistically, there are some people who cannot bless or approve of anyone. Some fathers feel upset about all their daughter's relationships. As you do not know what is bothering him, it would be a shame to allow his problem to interfere with