My guy and I aren't having sex anymore

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
My guy and I aren't having sex anymore
6
Mon, 06-07-2004 - 8:26pm
My boyfriend and I have been living together for about a year and a half. Lately we have had month long spells of no sex. Sometimes it's a couple months. We work different shifts and he doesn't get off work until late evening and sometimes we're too tired but even on days off...nothing. I am getting extremely frusterated and he doesn't seem too concerned. I have asked him why the lack of sex and he says he just doesn't desire it sometimes and doesn't expand much beyond that. Besides the sex life, our relationship is great! We get along wonderfully, he always expresses how much he loves, we are always kissing or hugging or wrestling around. Our relationship is very intimate, but no sex. Of course this is starting to take a toll on my self-esteem. I am feeling unwanted and now don't even have the confidence to initiate sex for fear of rejection. I need advice big time! I don't want this issue to eventuallty be the ruin of our relationship. Why do you think he's so uninterested? This isn't normal for a 25 year old man! Help!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Mon, 06-07-2004 - 8:35pm
that's stinks shmo
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Mon, 06-07-2004 - 8:36pm
It is hard to say what to do with what you have written here.

Did you have a bad experience that would make him create an aversion to sex with you? Has he been working a lot of hours? Or seeing someone else?

Maybe you just need quality/alone time. Take a long hot shower, put on something that makes you feel beautiful, have a nice meal. But don't bring up the subject - wait and see what happens.

The alternative is to seek counseling or dig around in the Dr. Ruth boards.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 1:27pm

hugs honey -

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 1:47pm
I know we don't usually think of men as having body image issues, but did you ever consider that as the problem? If he's still afectionate and loving, maybe he's feeling as insecure as you are. Has he recently put on more weight? Did you lose weight? Maybe his issues with sex have more to do with how he feels about himself and less to do with how he feels about you. Why not try stroking his ego a little? Let him know how attracted you are to him or how special he makes you feel. It's worth a shot. Guys like compliments too. :o)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2004
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 2:14pm
Sorry, girl....The only reason I know that any healthy 25-year old man would stop having sex is because he's getting it somewhere else. The wonderful personal nature of the relationship could be a warning sign of compensation....if he's been screwing around, he's gouing to feel guilty and treat you likle a queen. Except for the whole sex part. Good luck!
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 2:52pm

No, you're right. This isn't normal for a 25 year old man and it isn't healthy, not for him or for you. He's acting as though the sexual part doesn't matter and brushing it off - but it matters a great deal. As you wisely said in your email, not having sex on an on-going basis is bad for your self esteem and you can easily begin to feel undesirable. This can lead to other kinds of complications as well. Right now what you have is a fine friendship. It is not a male- female romantic relationship. He's become a roommate. In order to continue this