is my guy bestfriend in love with me too? advice please..

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2011
is my guy bestfriend in love with me too? advice please..
10
Wed, 07-13-2011 - 8:18pm

I have known my "male" best friend for about 7 years, we became closer and more best of friends for about a year now when he went off to college in another state, we kept in touch every now & then via skype/facebook/text/calls..months later, he finally came back to our hometown for school vacation for 2 months. i picked him up from the airport and ever since we have seen eachother literally everyday, if not, every other day. ( a part i left out, i have a 2 year old child with a previous relationship) my best friend loves my child so much. he calls himself the father (i told him hes the god father), he post pics of the baby on his facebook page all the time, claims himself as the childs father to all his friends, ask about him all the time. my child loves him the exact same, they have so much fun together, buys him things.. he picks him up and babysits him all the time. (my childs birth father isnt in his life on a regular.) anyways...back to the story. we have the weirdest friendship ever. we tell each other "i love you" and "i miss you" in texts randomly..or random mornings, i will wake up to a "i love you or i miss you and the baby" from him. i tell him i love him back..and i do. we make jokes about being "future husband and wife...i feel like i am falling deeper and madly in love with him..all the signs are there and everythign about him i want in a man. hes very tall, handsome, athletic football player, great dresser personality, sweet. i am even close to his mother as he is with mine. i dont know if he knows how i feel about him bc i dont really show it..but i feel the jealousy with other girls that like him and that he talks to as friends. hes the same way with me, asks about my guy friends that i talk too, gets mad if i dont tell him. anyways, more to the story..we hang out every other day like i said.. the mall, out to eat, my house, his house, movie nights, going to the gym together, family parties, bbqs, holiday events..we are always together. my family started saying we make a cute couple and tells me im in love and he likes me bc were always together. i blush and say no...friends of friends are asking us, if were more than friends, we both say, "were just bestfriends" well this is the part where it gets crazy. were at my house one night, watching a movie cuddled on my love seat couch. were sitting face to face, with both our legs on the couch touching eachother (this is normal, we always sit close like this) but this time.. he started slowly gently touching my legs up and down..getting closer and closer to my vagina. slowly, to see how i would react..i dont stop him, he finally touches..i touch his arms..he keeps going. he tries taking off my pants..i help him. he starts touching me down there.. then out of nowhere he gives me oral s*x..then we had s*x, the best s*x ive ever had in my life. i swear...the next day was awkward he kept his distance, it was kind of weird bc we never took our friendship to that level. 2 days after, we met up.. i took him food to his house with the baby and we went to the mall together and went to my moms house and hung out over there all night. few days later, we were at my house again as usual hanging out/eating, out of nowhere he smiled and looked at me and told me he missed me and wanted a hug. he came and hugged me and caressed my legs... we went upstairs and he started touching...we had s*x again. after we were play fighting, having fun..touching and watching tv but then he was texting girls all night and im back confused..idk what to do or how to feel about us. i guess were just bestfriends that have s*x now?? idk. help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

Kasi, you've received excellent advice on the other boards you've posted on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

There is only one way to find out what he's feeling or what he's thinking......and that is to ASK him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2011
I agree -- try to contact him and maybe you guys can go for a ride and he will feel more relaxed to talk to you...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2011
Were always together....on rides but I get scared to talk about it.. aaah I don't know how to start it
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

You get "scared" to talk about it......because you're afraid the answer might not be what you want to hear......but isn't it better to get it out in the open than speculate for another 7 years?

You say you're "in love" with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2011
You are so right! I will tell him how I feel...soon. its so much pressure on us already because so many people tell us together that we need to be a couple and stop pretending. We both say "were just bffs" and smiling making it obvious...when he says it he doesn't get mad. He will do something that will look like were more than friends again. He wrote on my window..his name loves my name with hearts everywhere. His flight got delayed and he spnt his last night with me instead of anywhere else. He brought me food and we watched a movie cuddled up, didn't have sex. Another problem with not 'starting' a relationship is...he's back in school out of town now and won't be back for 4 months! These 2 months we spent together are over as far as seeing each other...we will of course communicate now thru txt/phone..but its not the same. I am flying out there in 2 months to his football game with his mom. To be honest, I'm so confused!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2011
Also forgot. I did talk to him about it...after we had sex the first 2 times, I asked him about it and he took forever to respond but did..so that's a sign he is scared or shy to talk about it..I said "what does it mean when we have sex? I don't regret it, I liked it and will probably do it again but how do you feel about it?" His reply was... "but I don't want it to mess up how we are now, I love and care about you." He totally answered my question any kind of way...I just replied. "Ok" I should of kept the convo going...I'm so stupid, I ended it. Were both afraid of rejection and messing up our friendship seems like. Then I had saw him later that night...I had on tight dress...he told me I looked sexy and started rubbing on my butt...friends don't do that!? So see how its confusing... he also been complaining how he's always sleepy so I made a joke saying "you got someone pregnant. Usually if your sleepy it means that" he said..."no, only person I could of gotten pregnant is you" ..yes we have sex unprotected but I'm on birth control and he didn't know that til I told him the 3rd time we had sex. But...I'm just going to stop thinking about it and tell him, soon. I just don't know how soon since he's away now
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

Sorry, but "I don't want to mess up what we have" is NOT saying you're in a relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2011
I know. I don't even know if I want to be in a relationship. I have an idea what I want, but I don't know if that's what I want right now it might mess our friendship up. I just got off the phone with him few mins ago and I will just keep us as bestfriends because no matter what, that's most important. Thanks for listening and responding to my post. Appreciate it
Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004

I also find it a little disconcerting, if he did not know that you were on the pill, that he had unprotected sex with you. Also having unprotected sex outside of a committed relationship is like playing russian roulettle with STDs. Not smart!