my husban has changed
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my husban has changed
| Tue, 03-02-2004 - 10:26am |
wehn my husband and i were dating everyting was great, he listened to me and even though we fought we never screamed at each other. well since we have been married he has changed. i talk to my mom a lot like two times a day because she is having a hard time with me being away and he hates that. he tells me that my family should stop calling so much becuse i have a new life now. even though i know my mom calls too much it doesnt bother me and i think that it should not bother him. also he snaps at me all the time. he yells at me then gets even angrier when i yell back at him. i feel like i am walking on eggshells just not to make him mad. i dont know what to do. i am a full time student and i work full time so i am exhhasted most of the time, but he doesnt see what i do as work. since i work from home he dissmisses it. we open a business and since i do not write a paycheck to myslef he sees himself as the only one who brings in the money. and this is driving me nuts because i am working my but off. help what should i do.

How long did you date before you got married? Is it possible you just didn't know him well enough and now you are seeing the 'real' him and you don't like what you see?
I would tell him that you are not happy with the direction your relationship is going in and if he would like to continue being married to you then you require him to go to marriage counselling with you - like now.
If he will not do that, then that is a fairly good indicator of the level of commitment that he has towards you and your marriage. It's quite possible that you've married a man that will only be happy as long as everything is going his way and things are done the way HE likes, etc. If this is the case, I wouldn't bother trying to fix this - you'll just be banging your head against the wall. If this is, indeed the case, I'd cut your losses and go home to your Mom.
Peace - Pebbles
cluless
I would advise caution also. This DOES sound like the precursor for some unheathly controlling behavior. If you see any other warning signs, get help ASAP.
Ivy
Can you juggle your schedule a little bit so that your husband gets some of your time when you are not exhausted? Or do you just expect him to be understanding and accepting that you are unable to give equally to this marriage?
cluless
Quite frankly I have a hard time believing that if your mom calls you twice a day that you are spending only 10 minutes a day on the phone with her. Not a lot is said in a 5 minute conversation unless it is a simple "check-in" call.
Also, are you saying that you are currently living with his parents? If so, then this may be a good time to look at what options you have for you to live in your own home.
i live 1100 miles away from my mother and i havent seen her in 4 months and if he really thinks that she comes before him he needs to think it through. i moved to be with him leaving my friends and faimily. just posting here made me realize that i contribute a lot more to this marriage than him. he expects me to give up my family for his and it isnt going to happen. again i am willing to compromise as long as i am not the only one doing the compromising.
I think I'm hearing that you both have different ideas of what your new family unit is suppose to be, how it functions and how others fit into your relationship.
He may feel unappreciated that he is working outside the home and overlooking the fact that you are working too. He may be jealous (and/or hurt) that you are so close to your family while he knows he's mom wouldn't call him as much if he were to move away.
Counseling could help.
Carrie