My husband and porn..I need help!!
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| Tue, 06-29-2004 - 10:11pm |
It even came to the point when I told him I felt neglected he told me I should masterbate more and that he looked at porn before we met and would not stop.
Normally he looks at the same stuff.
Well, on Friday, I came home and went on the PC to find out what he was looking at (I know I shouldn't) what I found freaked me out. I got so mad, obviously mad that my husband asked what was wrong. When I told him I saw what he was searching (on outlook) and that I was so mad. He just got quite (like he always does). Then he blew up about how he needs his privacy and that he never snoops through my things. I told him I was sorry I snooped and suddenly, the argument was about me, not what he had done.
When we talked about it later, for an hour he scolded me about his privacy and said he was "done" when I asked him what that ment he just kept saying that he was done. That was when I started to pack by suitcases and he asked me what i was doing. I told him he said he was "done" so I was leaving. Well, I ended up staying and listening to him talk to me about our future and such. Finally I told him what he did was wrong and that I was so freaked out by it and that I never wanted him to do it again. He told me that he was not into that stuff and would not do it again (I snoop alot, and that was the first time I saw something like that).
Here is the problem, I told him I would try my best to not snoop anymore, but now I want to more then ever to make sure he is not looking that that stuff anymore. Now I don't know if we have a future together. Should I stay with him and take his word that he is not into that stuff. Or should I start my own future?
I really need help.
Edited 6/30/2004 12:17 am ET ET by aprilred_13

I am so sorry about your discovery - not just the pre-teen thing, but all of it. Personally, I have never dealt with this in my relationships, but I imagine it could be very heartbreaking and threaten not just trust in the relationship, but the entire relationship altogether.
I wanted to speak to the part of your post where you talked about the fact that you started out talking about him and ended up arguing about you. This happens to me all the time!!!!!!!! And I know how FRUSTERATING that can be...it is like you wonder just when the conversation changed topics! So here is what I do...when I have an issue to discuss with my O.A. (OBJECT of AFFECTION/AGGRIVATION - depending on the day) I write it down on a 3x5 card and hold onto it when we talk. Every once in a while, I check my card - are we talking about what I came here to tak about? If not, I tell him that we can discuss what he wants to discuss as soon as we are done with my topic, since I initiated the discussion.
At first, this DID NOT work. But by standing my ground and refusing to discuss anything but my topic, eventually he came around.
Here is the other thing...this generally happens the most when I have "caught" him in something, just as you caught your O.A. - He may have just been really embarrassed and not known how to deal with that other than to make you wrong.
I hope this helps!
Have a great day and happiness to you!
I posted about my husband and porn just a few minutes ago. What bothers me most about our guys is that they are secretive about it. I'm afraid if I confront my husband that he will have a similiar reaction and accuse me of not allowing him any privacy. I'm also afraid that it will seem very threatening to him to have this side of him exposed.
I am just sick over it. I don't know what to do, if anything. Joann
no you should not take his word for it. don't forget = this is just the stuff you FOUND. you don't know what else he is doing. when someone looks at kiddie porn - that is a BIG warning sign.
HE needs help - if he wants it. if he is serious - insist on counseling for him ASAP. if he refuses, or says its your problem, or blames you for snooping - then you have your answer.
at any rate - DO NOT have kids with him until this is solved.
hugs and sorry...