my husband cant stand me
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my husband cant stand me
| Fri, 04-04-2008 - 4:09pm |
my husband told me today that he doesnt want to come home due to the fact that he cant stand to be around me, he said i'm either gripping or complaining, that im never happy..but i dont see it, i dont see that i do all that and he wont say that he loves me either, i have never felt more shocked, upset, hurt, but mostly unloved.. how do i deal with that, how do i fix this, and if i am gripping like he says how do i realize it and save my marriage, i know now that hes not happy, i had an idea but it smacked me in the face today.. so how do you deal with something like that , weve only been married 2 yrs, together 4 1/2 yrs.

Welcome to the board rlaws2008,
Did you ask him for specific examples? If not, that would be a good place to start.
Reading material to consider:
I understand why you're shocked and hurt.
I've also been in his position, coming home to someone who griped constantly and couldn't admit it. It doesn't make you want to come home anymore.
Be conscious of what you're thinking and what you're going to say before you say it. Keep a mental tally of how many times you stop yourself from saying anything negative - anything at all, from "the living room's kind of messy" to "I don't really like broccoli." At least you'll be aware.
I should note that people have different communication styles - some people talk in "positives", for example: "I really like her the most"
And some people talk in negatives: "I don't really like anyone except her"
They both mean similar things but are different ways of going about communicating it. Maybe you both have different communication styles, I can see how a "negative speaker" could grate on someone whose personal style is more positive.
Either way it can't hurt to be more aware of what you're communicating and how you're communicating it.
And yes it's a great idea to ask him to point it out to you the next time a specific instance happens.
Good luck!