Yeah sorry but most 37 year old men aren't "friends" with 20 year old girls. They don't have anything in common. And his behavior about you using his cell phone is very telling that something is going on that he doesn't want you to know about.
I highly disagree with your answer. I've had friends of all ages all my life, and while a 20 year old girl doesn't have the age or experience that a 37 year old man does, it's still possible for them to share interests and have a friendly "chemistry".
I don't think someone should be limited to having friends only around their age and of the same gender. THAT IS ABSURD. It's an amazing experience to have friends who are older and wiser than you are, I've learned a lot from having older friends. And yes some of them were men. Don't forget that there are people of all ages on this board who interact and impart wisdom to one another. That's not terribly different.
It's absolutely possible for anyone to be just a friend with someone of the opposite sex, if they are both trustworthy and loyal people. It's the fact that he's secretive and they talk at inappropriate hours that makes their friendship inappropriate and seem like more than a friendship.
While it is possible to have friends of the opposite sex and of a different age group, you already know in your gut that his relationship with her is inappropriate due to the verbal putdowns (to throw you off track and/or hide his attraction) and the fact that he's kept it secret.
I agree with you. I don't think it's the age or gender, it's the fact that he's hiding it from you that makes him suspicious. Is there a possibility that nothing is going on and he's hiding the friendship because he thinks you might be upset because she's a girl? Yes, maybe, but the best way to have assuaged your fears was to be honest and open. This mess could have been avoided if he did that.
I'm sorry to say this but in my opinion he is cheating on you.
I could be wrong and he is just going thru a midlife crisis and he's enjoying the attention of a much younger girl.
I really doubt it, listen to your gut instinct, God gave us that special feeling, that we feel when something is wrong.
Look at the facts:
He got mad when you borrowed his phone. (when before he did not)
He hides talking to her (when before he told you about everybody he talked to)
He talks bad about her( and is her friend)
"She's one of those girls" ( he knows she'll do whatever he wants, if you know what I mean)
You are not being paranoid, you know something is up, you can feel it!
Can you get to the computer and log in into his phone carrier website?
If he or you don't have it set up, then do it, put a password on it and check it out everyday, that will tell you when, and how many times he talks to her, it will also tell you if they are texting each other.
If he already has a password on it ask him for it (if you don't already know it) see what he says, if he don't give it to you that's another BIG red flag.
Is his cell phone thru his work? Do you have one? Do you have them thru the same cell company?
All of this will play on to how you can check his phone. Let me know I think I can help you further once I know the answers.
Good luck and I'm so sorry your going thru this. My husband had an EA also, (he was texting her 100 times a month) so I know a thing or two about checking cell phones now.
Of course no one knows exactly what's going on with your husband, even you are not sure. However, if you do not feel comfortable with him maintaining a friendship with a young woman who he speaks to everyday, that is entirely reasonable. Tell him to cut it out. You have every right to create boundaries in the relationship that make you feel safe and at ease. Your feelings and wishes need to be respected here. If he balks, says it's just a friend, or whatever, let him know that you want your
Welcome to the board chatter35,
They say that most of the time you should trust your gut instinct. This is not approtiate behavior. Have you asked him why he thinks
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I've met her and know who she is.
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I highly disagree with your answer. I've had friends of all ages all my life, and while a 20 year old girl doesn't have the age or experience that a 37 year old man does, it's still possible for them to share interests and have a friendly "chemistry".
I don't think someone should be limited to having friends only around their age and of the same gender. THAT IS ABSURD. It's an amazing experience to have friends who are older and wiser than you are, I've learned a lot from having older friends. And yes some of them were men. Don't forget that there are people of all ages on this board who interact and impart wisdom to one another. That's not terribly different.
It's absolutely possible for anyone to be just a friend with someone of the opposite sex, if they are both trustworthy and loyal people. It's the fact that he's secretive and they talk at inappropriate hours that makes their friendship inappropriate and seem like more than a friendship.
Welcome to the board chatter35,
While it is possible to have friends of the opposite sex and of a different age group, you already know in your gut that his relationship with her is inappropriate due to the verbal putdowns (to throw you off track and/or hide his attraction) and the fact that he's kept it secret.
Good luck with your decision on what to do.
I'm sorry to say this but in my opinion he is cheating on you.
I could be wrong and he is just going thru a midlife crisis and he's enjoying the attention of a much younger girl.
I really doubt it, listen to your gut instinct, God gave us that special feeling, that we feel when something is wrong.
Look at the facts:
He got mad when you borrowed his phone. (when before he did not)
He hides talking to her (when before he told you about everybody he talked to)
He talks bad about her( and is her friend)
"She's one of those girls" ( he knows she'll do whatever he wants, if you know what I mean)
You are not being paranoid, you know something is up, you can feel it!
Can you get to the computer and log in into his phone carrier website?
If he or you don't have it set up, then do it, put a password on it and check it out everyday, that will tell you when, and how many times he talks to her, it will also tell you if they are texting each other.
If he already has a password on it ask him for it (if you don't already know it) see what he says, if he don't give it to you that's another BIG red flag.
Is his cell phone thru his work? Do you have one? Do you have them thru the same cell company?
All of this will play on to how you can check his phone. Let me know I think I can help you further once I know the answers.
Good luck and I'm so sorry your going thru this. My husband had an EA also, (he was texting her 100 times a month) so I know a thing or two about checking cell phones now.
Of course no one knows exactly what's going on with your husband, even you are not sure. However, if you do not feel comfortable with him maintaining a friendship with a young woman who he speaks to everyday, that is entirely reasonable. Tell him to cut it out. You have every right to create boundaries in the relationship that make you feel safe and at ease. Your feelings and wishes need to be respected here. If he balks, says it's just a friend, or whatever, let him know that you want your
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First of all...thank you all sooo much for helping me with this!!