My Husband Doesn't Love Me Anymore??

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2011
My Husband Doesn't Love Me Anymore??
8
Tue, 07-05-2011 - 7:10pm

I am a 23 year old woman who is having a hard time in my marriage lately. I have been with my husband for five years (one year and three months of marriage). No children between us and we both have decent paying jobs, and little debt.

Recently my husband has been distant, and when I asked if he would talk to me he came clean that although he loves me, and cares about me, he does not know if he is still "in love" with me. I asked him if he knew why (another woman, sexual attraction, had I changed, had he changed etc) and he could not tell me why. He confessed that he thinks of me as his best friend, not his wife.

A little back story on my husband; his mom and dad never married and had a very hard time getting together, even for their sons sake even to this day (they both said they would not attend our wedding if the other one was there, in turn the rest of their family would also not attend). They wouldn't be able to see each other when they exchanged their son, making him walk to the corner by himself to meet the other parent. His dad took care of him pretty much all his life and eventually his mom met another man and moved 6 hours away without telling my husband she was leaving. At 18 my husband felt he needed to know his mom, moved to where we live now and then when we got married, he picked his dad over his mom and his mom being his mom decided to stop speaking to him altogether. He doesn't have any other family here where we live, and his dad's family never comes to visit anymore and rarely call. He feels all alone.

Basically, I am a little confused as to how to help my husband. I want us to stay together but I think the issues with his family have caused him to

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011
Tue, 07-05-2011 - 9:01pm

I think that at this point he does not know exactly what he is feeling. You have to realize you two are still very young from what you have said you have been together since you were 18 or

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 07-05-2011 - 9:44pm

I think you have pretty good insight into why he can't emotionally attach due to his abandonment issues w/ his parents but I don't know there is anything you can do about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Tue, 07-05-2011 - 11:14pm

IMO, he doesnt want to be talked back into keeping the marriage.He seems to be done, his mind is made up.When he is menatlly prepared and at peace with his decision, he doesnt feel the need to see anyone.

OP, you dont want to hear this but you cant do anything in this situation. He is using the old adage of love you but not in love .Most people wont tell if there is another man/woman ,even if you believe they are the most honest person in the world AND this line is usually used by them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 07-06-2011 - 12:18am

I agree with Keepingitreal about your ages.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 07-06-2011 - 12:54am

Sorry to tell you this sweetie, but anytime a man says "I love you BUT I'm not IN LOVE with you anymore" 9 times out of 10 it means he's seeing someone else. Do you have access to his cell phone records and work e mail?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 07-06-2011 - 12:22pm

I agree there's probably another woman.......but what's the point of checking cell phones and emails?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 07-06-2011 - 11:59pm

Simply because she deserves to know the truth. And knowing the truth can sometimes make it easier to leave.

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 07-07-2011 - 4:31pm

She does know the truth.

dragowoman