My husband doesn't love our daugher

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2005
My husband doesn't love our daugher
4
Mon, 11-12-2007 - 11:40am
My husband and I have been married for about four and a half years. He has some problems and is recently (the last three months or so) taking some medication for them like Prozac. I thought that he was doing better. He stays home with our 17 month old daughter while I work. He seems to play with her affectionately most of the time and she seems to love him and come to him to play with him often. The other day we were talking calmly. He wasn't upset or anything, but he told me in the course of the converstion that he loves me, but he only likes our daughter. I was confused, so I asked for clarification. He actually said that he doesn't love our daughter. He is her primary care giver, so he spends a lot of time with her. She's pretty sweet and easy going as far as toddlers go. Should I be worried that he says he doesn't love her?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 11-12-2007 - 12:14pm

I wouldn't necessarily be worried, but that is something he should probably have kept to himself. Especially if he didn't want you to worry over it. Some feelings are better kept private because they do no good out in the open.

It's important to understand that love is different for everyone, and we all have different "requirements" to call love what it is.

So he doesn't have an emotional attachment yet, that's okay, as long as he's a good father and provides everything she needs. Love is not always instant. Men don't have the kind of bond with a child that comes through carrying a baby and giving birth, it is often built over time. If he's happy being a dad then there's nothing to worry about really. Falling in love with a baby doesn't always happen. Infants aren't everyone's cup of tea. Perhaps when your daughter grows and he can actually communicate with her like a person and not using "baby talk" he will feel closer to her. I'd count on it for sure. Don't let this bother you too much!!




Edited 11/12/2007 12:18 pm ET by eggbertshootsfire
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 11-12-2007 - 2:33pm

Welcome to the board beckykorea,


Bonding can take longer for guys and since your husband is on meds, that could be effecting his perception of love also.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-13-2007 - 8:17am
ITA! Also, it depends on his upbringing. If he did not experience physical affection or feel loved by one of his parents or if he had a parent with any kind of mental illness, it's possible that this is going to be a learned/acquired love. There's nothing wrong with that as long as he is behaving appropriately. If this continues to be a problem at age 3, I would suggest that he have some individual counseling.

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I am unable to give legal or medical advice. My opinions are based on my experiences and my personal research.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2005
Tue, 11-13-2007 - 9:05pm
Thanks for your advice everyone. It helps me feel better. You are right, he probably just needs time. His homelife as a child was really bad.