My husband is emotionless

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
My husband is emotionless
3
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 5:03pm
Hi,

My Dh and I have been married for two years in June and together for 3 years this April. I have always had issues with this with him but lately it is really bugging me. Even when I know something is wrong with him because its obvious by his actions and not talking, he refuses to talk about anything and insists hes not mad. I have even gottent o the point where I have asked him if he even loves me anymore. I was a stay at home mom up until 4 days ago I got a part time job because I had to due to our finances. What can I say to him without getting him defensive or mad at me.( which is a hard thing to do I have to say)Please help.

Leah
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 5:30pm
Could it be that he feels he's not doing a good job as provider because you do have to go back to work?

Praise him, thank him for being him, letting you stay home all those years. Don't say or ask anything else. Just give the compliment with a hug or kiss, every day. See if he doesn't open up and feel like talking if he feels appreciated. If that doesn't work, take him for a walk and make all your statement from your point of view - use I feel, I think, etc. Stay away from the word - YOU do / don't do, etc.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 5:38pm
leah:

Hi, i cannot really give you advice, but to let you know that you're not the only one, my BF is just like that. I have a problem with him b/c he never acts like he's doing something wrong. He never talks about what he is thinking, feeling, wants, needs, or anything deep. It's doesn't even have to be a "deep thought" so-to-speak, but anything he hates when i try to talk to him, whether its about a problem, or anything, he gets defensive and critical of me!! Well, i'm sorry I cannot help you, but some what of a 'support group'... Be carefule and things like this take time, that's all i can say b/c that's the only advice i've been giving myself from another source. Take care and just be honest.

Sincerely,

xoxocasexoxo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 5:56pm
You probably knew he was reserved in his style BEFORE you married so if you now hope or expect him to change is unrealistic. Many men don't "talk" things out in the same manner as women. Please don't try to force him to be just like you. Offer acceptance of who he is and a great set of ears for when he does want to talk. Most of your angst will disappear when you find acceptance.