Is my husband living a double life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Is my husband living a double life.
2
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 9:33am
Early in november my husband supposedly left the country, his mothers dying wish was to have him by her side. We talked everyday, at one point I felt closser to him, that was until he took off to japan for a business trip 'that' I had to find out from his family. I havnt heard from him for two months now, At first I feared that he could be dead. After christmas I recived 2 e-cardswith no way for me to contact him. I think he is with the widow of his brother, He's been taking care of her financially since his brother passed away, He do's frequntly go to japan. I dont know what to do,I still love him very much but the stress is wearing me down in every way. do I wait to find out the truth? or do I set my mind on starting all over?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 10:27am
This situation sounds really bizarre. You haven't heard from him in two months, he leaves the country without your knowledge and you want to know what to do? I would strongly suggest that you start living your life for you - and stop waiting on him. It's pretty obvious with his actions that he wasn't considering you or your feelings when he left to be with his sister-in-law? Like, I said, this entire situation is really bizarre and you need to try to just move on. I realize that this is easier said than done but you really don't have a choice. I mean, just how long are you willing to sit around and wait on his "return"? That's not fair to you.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do...

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 10:12am

This doesn't sound good.I don't know what he's doing in Japan, but whatever he's doing, the fact that he hasn't been in touch for so long is completely inappropriate, very hurtful, disrespectful and certainly not the behavior of a husband. (How would he feel if you disappeared for a few months, didn't tell him where you were going and had no way to reach him?)


You need to think carefully about what's going on in this marriage, and why you would want to put up with behavior like this? Of course it is not only stressful, but the sense of abandonment and rejection you feel must be very great. This is not the basis for a secure, normal, healthy marriage. I can't see any good that would come from continuing the way it is. Unless he is willing to be open, honest, confront the situation and really work on making changes here, it does not sound as though there is any basis for going on.


Best wishes.