my husband is not in love with me
Find a Conversation
my husband is not in love with me
| Mon, 03-08-2004 - 3:58pm |
My husband and I have been married for about 5 years. We met in college, after a year, we were apart because I went back to Hong Kong (where I come from). For 3 years, we kept our relationship long distance, seeing each other twice a year. We got married in 98 during our visit in Vegas, but I left and went back right after. Finally, I moved back to the US in 99 to have our life together. Things were a little rough at first, but we knew that we had changed. 5 years has passed, until recently, my husband told me he has not been feeling the romance and passion for me, he loves and cares about me, but "NOT IN LOVE" with me after all these years. He never told me about this because he doesn't want to hurt me and hope it would go away. But it didn't, he finally feels that he is like living in a lie. Of course, I am hurt and shocked. We talked and cried, we don't want to give up our relationship. We need to work things out. But HOW? Should we go see a counselor? HELP!!!!

Also try one of these books:
Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw
Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix
His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Willard F. Harley Jr
The first one has tests to identify what things you need and want in a relationship. It also has intimacy (emotional) building exercises that can bring you closer together. Which in turn helps people fall in love again.
The second one talks about some of the same things as the first one... and talks about how doing nice things for each other without expectation can bring people together again.
Good luck to you.
Carrie
A few years ago my husband and I tried counseling (despite my stubborn refusal to see one) and I have to admit, she saved our marriage. Don't give up, you obviously love one another, and that is enough.
Sex is just a bodily function and you can't build a relationship on it. Work on your friendship instead and the physical attraction will come naturally.
Many make the mistake of thinking of being "In Love" means being "high", intoxicated, infatuated. When this kind of feeling passes in a relationship, (as it does in almost all), they feel the love has vanished. It has not. Relationships come to teach us the very nature of love itself. Love is not a feeling, which can and does change with every passing moment. Love
It's A New Day With Dr Shoshanna - Wed. 2-3 EST.
Carrie