Rather than telling him, "relax" or "don't worry", you will probably have better luck saying something about how you want to support him and help him. Just ask him if there's anything you can do to help and let him know you are there for him. That will probably relax him a lot more than just being told to relax.
Would he be more willing to seek out treatment for himself if you talk about treatment as a way to help him rather than as a way to help your relationship? He may be able to improve with individual therapy that will focus on having a positive attitude. If he will not consider therapy, maybe he will agree to talk to a regular physician about the mood he is in. The doctor can recommend therapy to him later on.
Also, eating healthy, exercising, and getting enough sleep all have a very big impact on people's emotions and moods. As his wife, you may have some influence over some of that. If you buy the groceries or do the cooking in the house, then you can probably make sure he gets a better diet. Maybe you can start going out on regular walks around the block as a family to get some exercise in. I don't know if you feel you can talk him into going to bed sooner. If not, you might want to try going to bed earlier yourself, and then he may follow your example.
Most importantly, remember that you have to take care of yourself and your own mood first. If you are unhappy, you are not going to be able to help him. Plus, there is no reason why you should have to suffer just because he is suffering. Take good care of your own health, and if you feel you need to, don't be afraid to go see a therapist even by yourself.
It is also important to remember that ultimately he is responsible for his own happiness. You can try to support him and bring him up, but in the end, he has to make the effort. It has to be his decision to do the work to improve his mood. Don't put the responsibility all on your shoulders or think that you're a failure if things don't improve.
Your
We haven't really spent much alone time together since our honeymoon.
Welcome to the board mandalynn91679,
Maybe if he saw on paper a budget and his winnings he would feel better.
Rather than telling him, "relax" or "don't worry", you will probably have better luck saying something about how you want to support him and help him. Just ask him if there's anything you can do to help and let him know you are there for him. That will probably relax him a lot more than just being told to relax.
Would he be more willing to seek out treatment for himself if you talk about treatment as a way to help him rather than as a way to help your relationship? He may be able to improve with individual therapy that will focus on having a positive attitude. If he will not consider therapy, maybe he will agree to talk to a regular physician about the mood he is in. The doctor can recommend therapy to him later on.
Also, eating healthy, exercising, and getting enough sleep all have a very big impact on people's emotions and moods. As his wife, you may have some influence over some of that. If you buy the groceries or do the cooking in the house, then you can probably make sure he gets a better diet. Maybe you can start going out on regular walks around the block as a family to get some exercise in. I don't know if you feel you can talk him into going to bed sooner. If not, you might want to try going to bed earlier yourself, and then he may follow your example.
Most importantly, remember that you have to take care of yourself and your own mood first. If you are unhappy, you are not going to be able to help him. Plus, there is no reason why you should have to suffer just because he is suffering. Take good care of your own health, and if you feel you need to, don't be afraid to go see a therapist even by yourself.
It is also important to remember that ultimately he is responsible for his own happiness. You can try to support him and bring him up, but in the end, he has to make the effort.
It has to be his decision to do the work to improve his mood. Don't put the responsibility all on your shoulders or think that you're a failure if things don't improve.