My husband's not attracted to me...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2011
My husband's not attracted to me...
22
Wed, 08-31-2011 - 12:16am

I've been married 2 years

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Thu, 09-01-2011 - 11:58am

I dont know why so many posters believe that a partner should be able to have sex with you irrespective of how you keep yourself. There is no unconditional love in a relationship.It exists only between a parent and child but even there, if

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 09-01-2011 - 12:33pm

I get what you are saying but its wrong thinking.. Why did he marry her then when she was overweight and now that she is taking care of herself he is not attracted to her? something is not right in Denmark...

here is what my gut is telling me about this poster. I think that her husband married her under false pretenses and for whatever reason.. So he may not have been attracted to her in the first place..but he married her for some reason. We are not there or do we know the whole story and we dont live with them so we are only guessing to what could have been and what has happened.

I do know that people fall out of love and all. My ex husband was abusive and so I didnt want to have sex with him anymore. My therapist said that in order for someone to be intimate and have sex with their partner they need to feel safe and sound. I didnt feel safe with my ex so I didnt want to share intimacy or sex with him. I know that is way off topic here but there are multiple reasons for not wanting to have sex and for some reason why would weight be an issue.

Lets face it.. Men will have sex no matter what.. They are horny toads and unless there is a serious medical condition where is OP's husband getting sex from.. Either he is pleasuring himself or getting it somewhere else.. I am one of those people who believe a man will get sex wherever he can.. Its just the way they are biologically

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 09-01-2011 - 12:50pm

My problem with the husband is that he suddenly lost his attraction and then blamed it on his wife, telling her to change (when she has already lost 60lbs!). If her weight was really the problem, there would be evidence that things are improving. Instead, her husband's solution is "lose more weight".

I have been on these boards for about eight years, seen many of these "my husband isn't attracted to me because of my weight", and never seen weight loss as a solution that actually fixed the problem with the relationship. He doesn't have an obligation to have sex with her or find her attractive, but if her weight were the real problem here, things would be different.

Also, seeing as how the OP has already lost 60lbs on her own, I don't get why people are suggesting "diet and exercise". Clearly she's doing something right, she doesn't need suggestions on how to lose weight because the problem is with her relationship, not her eating habits.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Thu, 09-01-2011 - 1:59pm
" All of the other parts of our relationship are fantastic, loving, caring, fun, we are great friends and love each other very much. For us, intimacy is a part of our daily life, we are close and share every part of our lives except sex. "

Well, OP says that everything is great except sex and her husband says he doesnt have sex with her because she is fat.

Once again, attraction can be lost.Many things can be overlooked earlier but can become an elephant in the room later.

No, men will NOT have sex no matter what , especially with wife.

The affair angle could be a possibility.Someone might have caught his eye because of whom he doesnt find OP attractive and is doing the other.Very likely.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 09-01-2011 - 2:11pm

"The affair angle could be a possibility.Someone might have caught his eye because of whom he doesnt find OP attractive and is doing the other.Very likely."

I agree. It is worth considering. I've seen it happen this way, and unfortunately experienced it myself as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 09-01-2011 - 7:21pm

Have you ever been married?

Avatar for tobermory
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2001
Thu, 09-01-2011 - 10:08pm

Frankly, if she has gone from 220 to 160, unless she is a midget, she probably isn't all that fat anymore. I think he is a control freak -- he is always going to have something that she has to improve about herself to make herself worthy. He probably married her heavy because she didn't have the greatest self esteem and he knew she would be someone he could bully and blame his problems on. And just how thin does he want her to be? I am always suspicious of men who harp on their wives weight when they are not obese (and she isn't any longer).

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Fri, 09-02-2011 - 1:43am
I kinda think spouses are obligated to have sex with their partners. That or be kicked to the curb.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2007
Fri, 09-02-2011 - 6:56am

I think that your husband is a shallow, insensitive ass. In my opinion, it is never O,K, to tell your spouse that you are totally unattracted to them. That is just plain mean spirited. Any man wurth his salt will not turn away from his wife over something so superficial. After all, he asked you out when you were 60 lbs. heavier. Now he decides that is no longer good enough for him? There are many ways of guiding someone toward making a change without being blunt or insulting. For

Katie B
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Sat, 09-03-2011 - 11:31am
travelgirl78 wrote:

I've been married 2 years