My issues are ruining our relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
My issues are ruining our relationship
10
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 10:18pm
My boyfriend and I have been together about 2 and a half years, and lately we've been fighting like crazy. Not little arguments about stupid things, always some big, serious fight that takes days to get past. Most of the time it's because of some problem of mine. I have been extremely stressed and depressed for quite a while now. It's not him - when I'm with him I feel happy - it's everything else: home/family mostly, school, work, money problems/debt. Because of this, sometimes I get extremely angry or emotional and just flip out out of nowhere. He's getting tired of dealing with it, and I have trouble explaining my behavior to him because sometimes I don't even understand it. Most of these problems come from my family. I still live at home and it causes me an immense amount of stress that I don't even know how to deal with. After every fight I promise him I'll change and that I'll calm down, but I can't because I don't even know where to begin. How can I become a different person, how can I change my ways and learn to be more calm? It's not only ruining my relationship, it's killing my self-esteem.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 11:59pm
You need to determine the source of your stress and then learning how to express it or regulate it or release it without causing any harm to your relationships.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Sat, 09-20-2008 - 4:15am
You're using your boyfriend as a convenient punching bag, he'll leave you soon because of it. What's stopping you from leaving home, and is that really the issue?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sat, 09-20-2008 - 7:52am
There is a counseling office at your school. Go there to learn some techniques for managing your overwhelming emotions. Letting your stress rule you is bad for you physically and emotionally, and establishes self-destructive habits that will be increasingly hard to break.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Sat, 09-20-2008 - 1:42pm
I'm not necessarily treating him badly, I just have been very depressed lately which is causing me to be angry and emotional in general, which in turn stresses him out. I've been wanting to move out of my house for a while. I can't afford to live by myself, and I don't think he's ready to move in together, so my only option would be to move four hours away and live with my sister.


Edited 9/20/2008 2:32 pm ET by goddesslala
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2008
Sat, 09-20-2008 - 8:11pm
You can only live with him, your sister or your parents? Are you kidding me? You ARE depressed if you are that defeatist about your life. It's really simple - FIND A ROOM MATE. There are probably literally thousands of people in your city who need a room mate. Please don't write back that you live in a really small town so there aren't thousands. I guarantee you there is an dependable room mate option available to you if you looked for it. I'm 43 years old and some of my current best friends are people I met through being room mates with them 20 years or more ago.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Sat, 09-20-2008 - 10:53pm
Where I live is mostly a retirement community. I'm not looking for an 80 year old roommate. And the outskirts are mostly drug addicts and alcoholics, I'm not looking for a roommate with a substance abuse problem. My sister has been asking me to move in with her for a while now. We'd be roommates while we finished school. I have no desire to stay in this town any longer than I have to. There's nothing here for me. I have every intention of moving up where my sister lives, it's just a matter of when.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-21-2008 - 11:24am

Sounds to me as though you need to work with a well trained professional therapist to understand why you are having trouble in so many areas of your life. And, you're right, unless you handle your issues, they will most likely ruin your relationship. No one wants to be with someone who is projecting their difficulties upon them. It's tiring and doesn't leave room for the relationship to grow. Go find yourself a good person and get to work on yourself. Also, tell your boyfriend that you're taking real responsibility for these issues and working with a therapist. He'll be relieved and possibly feel more hopeful about the relationship.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2005
Sun, 09-21-2008 - 9:45pm

Dear Goddess,


I know what you are going thru.

Denise

Loving and devoted wife to Bryan!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 09-22-2008 - 4:16pm

Welcome to the board goddesslala,


I agree with the advice to seek out a counselor at your school.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Mon, 09-22-2008 - 4:35pm

....."I just have been very depressed lately which is causing me to be angry and emotional in general, which in turn stresses him out.".....

Myspace Codes